College OTR: Captain Planet

Captain Planet

*Blogger*

Bio

Al Gore is my hero.

Harvard Freshman Claims She Chose the Harv Over MIT to Defy Asian Stereotypes; Asian Moms Everywhere Send Her Death Wish

Posted by Captain Planet08/14/2007 11:28 AM

In a giant bitchslap to the faces of Asian mothers everywhere, Joan Fang '11 writes in an article that she decided to decline her spot at the Asian Math Dynasty (aka, MIT) to go to Harvard, in order to seem more "well-rounded."

"If I went to MIT," she laments, "I could have stood out in their English department and made myself different from ev

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Super-Freshman Brags She Applied to 18 Schools, Turned Down by One; Gods of Douchebaggery Strike Again

Posted by Captain Planet08/10/2007 5:14 PM

So, fellow Harvardian, we know you applied to Yale, but did you also apply to Cornell? How about Brown? Duke? Vassar? Amherst? Swarthmore? Washington U.? Washington and Lee? Did you apply to Wake Forest or George Washington? Emory, Valparaiso, American, St. Louis? Seton Hall, or Grinnell -- have you even heard of Grinnell?

Neither have I. But

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Facebook Strikes Back, or: How I Learned to Stop Ranting and Love the Lisp

Captain Planet says,

Well, unfortunately, since she's a "journalist," more people will Read her than Meet her.

And I, for one, don't think she's so nice in the first place. Posted 08/08/2007 12:22 PM

Facebook Strikes Back, or: How I Learned to Stop Ranting and Love the Lisp

Posted by Captain Planet08/08/2007 10:37 AM

Boy, it sure must suck to be Lucy "Goosey" Caldwell '09. Moonlighting as a budding journalist with a knack for raping Ethics and a mild speech impediment can get you far -- but only so far.

During an appearance on CNN this morning, Goosey revealed that she happened upon Caroline G's profile after some incredibly resourceful "sleuthing" on Faceb

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New Program Created, Makes SU Look Terrorist-like

Captain Planet says,

Something about sending Veterans through a "bootcamp" AFTER WAR in which they, clearly, got their asses handed to them seems vaguely cruel to me . . .

couldn't they have chosen a more sensitive name? Posted 07/18/2007 5:13 PM

Former Galaxie 500 Drummer To Teach Course; Hipsters Cream Skinny Jeans

Captain Planet says,

um. is it bad that i don't know who the hell that is? Posted 07/18/2007 5:10 PM

Batman Seeks Harvard Prey

Posted by Captain Planet07/18/2007 4:38 PM

Think your Core professor is kinda handsome, a little brawny and slightly bird-like? Well, he may just be Batman -- and he may just be after you.

This afternoon a so-called Crimson professor signed onto Craigslist to sell a snowboard and took a little detour into the M4W to make a little naughty. "I’m a professor at Harvard, 35, fit and funny,"

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Chester French Hits The Globe

Captain Planet says,

um -- KIND OF?!

i need to have his children before he gets famous so that i can trap him into child support, ie a lifetime of spending money. Posted 07/11/2007 2:40 PM

It's 7/11. You Know What That Means.

Posted by Captain Planet07/11/2007 2:16 PM

Girls (and boys) who just received iPhones from their boyfriends can rest those busy jaws and put their mouths on something a little more soothing.

As per tradition, 7-Eleven is celebrating its annual Free Slurpee day on -- you guessed it -- 7/11.

According to an e-mail sent over house lists, 7-Eleven stores will be handing out 1000 free 7.11oz S

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"I'm a Reality TV Star. Blow Me."

Posted by Captain Planet07/11/2007 12:45 PM

Which '07 Star Wars cover band frontman-turned-reality TV hunk has been caught TWICE sucking the face off of an "I'm-a-skinny-bitch" blonde on NYC street corners this summer?

Rumor has it that the Daily Show summer intern, when not having wet dreams about Chewbacca or engaging in naughty PDA with the blonde, has also been playing text-tag and l

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