Mary-Kate Olsen reportedly dropped out of NYU because her classmates were dishing on their "private" conversations to the press. And who can blame MK? She just wants to recognized for who she is -- a normal, all-American girl straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting -- and treated accordingly.

Bush has nominated NYU alum Paul Simons (of Simons and Garfunkels fame [but not really]) as ambassador to Chile. What does this mean for you? Next time you're in Santiago, look Paul up at the U.S. Embassy -- if you give him the secret NYU handshake, he'll hook you up with a free t-shirt or something. Maybe.

Kenneth Eng is one crazy mofo. The sci-fi arthur and "Asian supremacist," who was fired from AsianWeek magazine for his column "Why I Hate Blacks" and arrested for swinging a hammer at a neighbor, told the Village Voice that he had planned a V-Tech-esque killing spree at NYU -- abandoned only because he couldn't afford a weapon.

This guy is (l

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Cassidy Hagerman, a 19-year-old psychology major, was killed last week in a car accident. Unfortunately, the method of her death prevents her from making the cover of the New York Post under the paper's strict "All the News that's Fit to Sensationalize" policy. Still, RIP Cassidy.

By now, you've gotten an email announcing a possible merger between NYU and Polytechnic University. The big picture: J-Sex is this much closer to being President of NYC.

The Catholic Center, whose sheer ugliness has turned many NYU students to satanism, will be demolished and replaced with something better. Hopefully. Hooray!

Fun fact: Catherine B. Reynolds, an NYU trustee, multi-million dollar donor, and prolific Sexton-handshaker, also happens to run private student lender EduCap -- a company endorsed by the Office of Financial Aid. Conflict of interest much?

Still, the loan FAQ states that "NYU officials do not have — nor have they been accused of having — financ

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College of Dentistry prof Elena Cunningham has been studying the eating habits of monkeys -- because the more we know about primate food selection, the more effectively we can stop kids from eating salt-water taffy and rock candy. Or something.

Ladies beware: rumor has it a certain reknowned Relgious Studies professor has a thing for Catholic girls, and has exchanged lewd emails with at least one student.

... in the emerging sport of mixed martial arts. Dr. Gary Wadler forgets that, if he has his way, Jackie Chan will no longer be able to practice drunken boxing. Boo!