Caller: Hi, I’d like to schedule an appointment.

Secretary: Sure, I have the following time slots available: Wednesday the 3rd at 11 and 12, Thursday the 4th at 2 and 2:30, or Friday the 5th at 9, 10:30, and 1 p.m.

Caller: Okay, how about Wednesday at 11?

Secretary: Sure, I’ll mark you down for that. Just make sure to check in at the sign

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Baristas overheard:

Boy #1 (to girl barista): What is this music anyway, some more of your hipster shit?
Girl #1: …Yeeeeeeeaah, It’s pretty much ALL I listen to.
Boy #2: Wait, why would you ask that? You’re a hipster too.
Boy #1: Not really, I’m too punk-metal to be hipster.
Girl #1:You guys are both hipsters; you wouldn’t be working here

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Before a music lecture at 11 a.m.:

Girl #1: OMG, my roomate was just waking up as I was leaving for class.
Girl #2: What a ho.
Girl #1: Seriously, who goes to the bars on weekdays?
Girl #2: .........[blank stare]

Do you have trouble finding your way home from the quad? Did you ever ride the 22 for over an hour? If so, have no fear; campus is protected by nerdy kids on bikes (the Student Patrol)!

Although a good idea in theory, scrawny kids on bikes are not the least bit intimidating, especially to a college population. While on duty, 2 members were rec

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Fraternity rush and pledge weeks are upon us, where freshmen boys will soon submit to bro-hood and learn valuable life lessons. The following tips are likely unknown to most kids trying to get their game on.

1. Never, in any context is it acceptable to start a conversation with, “So…what’s your major?” You are just straight-up boring. This i

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Facebook stalking is no longer fun, since there is now some truth to the stalking part. The social network website will soon be accessible to millions of users through search engines like Google, Yahoo, and MSN Live. All searches will show user names, profile pictures, and other information.

This attempt aims to recruit more Facebook users, de

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Traffic was stopped on Lincoln Avenue this Sunday by a parade of cars driving bumper to bumper. Crossing 2-way traffic to turn left, none of the cars yielded to oncoming traffic. At a first glance, this is a funeral. Getting a closer look at the passengers, however, reveals pink t-shirts and identical sunglasses…bid day has arrived.

The end

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After much construction, Memorial Stadium will finally open its gates for the first home game tonight against Western Illinois.

Returning fans will have to adjust to recent changes. The scoreboard has moved from the north to the south end, and Block-I has moved from the south to the north. There will be no seating in the upper deck of the st

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T-shirts spotted around campus:

1.“I Make Parents Nervous”
This aspiring participant for MTV’s Parental Control has been spotted on the south Quad. Wearing mirrored aviators and a chain wallet, he is sure to make anyone nervous… that they might laugh in his face.

2. “Define Girlfriend”
Someone took Avril Lavigne’s latest hit a little too seri

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Professors’ only concern should be teaching the material. Some believe, however, that to gain the respect of students, they must prove their awareness of pop culture and knowledge of trendy music. This is usually done by name-dropping at inappropriate times, movie referencing on quizzes, and playing music before the beginning of class.

One suc

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