The University of California is one of the best public university systems in the world. But, it won't be for long.

According to Sunday's LA Times, the government funding that characterized the boom of the UC's as a top public system after World War II has gone the way of the inbred Dodo bird. To increase wages for underpaid teachers and staff,

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Luis Leal of the Chicano/Chicana Studies department here at UCSB recently turned 100 years old. In addition,  he has taught in the UC system for over fifty years and is a veteran of World War II

In an odd coincidence, this very respectable man bears a resemblance to former "centurion" and megalomanical, nuclear-power baron C. Montgomery Burns.

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Just as Dor No Cotevelo predicted, the bike path has been a spot of extreme frustration and hilarity during the first few sunny days of Fall Quarter. Upper classmen have had some choice words of advice for freshmen as they, literally, find their way at our great school. Here are some gems:

"Remember when you had to color in between the lines, n...

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Clearly, this post is pretty self-explanatory. But, you really need to watch the video to understand.

It might be no surprise that this incredibly creative, one-wheeled subculture has remained a bit in the shadows at a school so predominated by the bicycle and its haughty assurance of supremacy. But it is time to share the limelight...throw awa

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One month from today, Chancellor Yang will present Master Chief, leader of the United Nations Space Command’s elite SPARTAN Unit, with the title of Professor Emeritus in Intergalactic Policy and Extraterrestrial Relations. Chief, whose age is unknown, will accept the award at the Faculty Club near the Lagoon.

The notoriously taciturn Chief priv

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Things to Avoid: Buying an Expensive Bike; Paul Reubens, in general

Potable Quotables from UCSB's weekend move-in:

• Friend watching freshmen buy bikes: "Oh, you just bought a $300 bike for Isla Vista, where hundreds get stolen every year? You must be a Communications major. Sorority Rush is right down the street."
• Guy walking by Franc...

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If there is one thing UCSB has, it is a healthy number of Douchey Bros looking to nail girls in uncomfortable places. No, not the back of a VW Bug.

But don't underestimate the wealth of douchey knowledge here at UCSB! This Douchey Bro (actually played by a very respectable, egalitarian, and emotionally sensitive blogger) happens to be an expert

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Let's face it, when you're short, it can feel like everyone is looking down on you. That's why you need to find a tall friend to help you:

1. Hang Things in Your Room
2. Grab the Cookies on top of the refrigerator
3. Help your friends find the spot you happen to be sitting near at the beach

"Yeah, just look for my tall, blonde friend. Yeah, th

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Imagine: you are back in an elementary school computer lab in the third grade. That kid next to you smells terrible, but at least you still have one Lunchables left in your James Bond Jr. Lunchbox.

What do you do until lunch?? You play some good ol' Oregon Trail, baby! Shooting pixellated buffalo with little white pixels, gettin cholera, breaki

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Finally, a University of Florida police officer gets a chance to tell his side of the story.

He is definitely legit. Don't be fooled by the Honda Prelude he gets out of... That is just his, uh, rental car. Yeah, the one that is going to take him down to the convention.

Oh, hell, just watch the clip.