...then buy brand new ones at Delta Sigma Theta's denim sale this Thursday. Geez, what were you thinking, Perv Griffen? The sale is going on from 4-9pm on October 11th at the Elliot Program Center, and the organizers claim that designer brands are going for up to 70% off.

See, who ever said that sororities are a bunch of vapid fashionistas who

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USC football got completely ****ed up by Stanford on Saturday -- but hey, at least they used a Trojan. The 24-23 last-quarter upset was a headline-making victory this weekend and if you were anywhere in SF, it was the victory that launched a thousand hips. Among all the celebratory orgies, who among us does not owe a happy quickie to universal c

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Who says CS majors are too serious? They take classes in the things most of us just use to waste time. Case in point: one of the most popular classes this quarter is a CS course dedicated to designing facebook applications. Seriously, how many $640,000 educations does it take to figure out yet another zombie-pirate-hot-or-not-LOLcat  fiasco?

Ap

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Do you ever spend days or weeks chatting up someone from match.com, only to meet them in real life and discover they are total dogs? Yeah, me neither, because no college student is desperate enough for online dating.

In spite of this, Stanford-based start up SpeedDate is going public. The site's concept combines the painful awkwardness of onli

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Which sexy older female professor burns through at least one undergraduate lover a year? Her behavior is widely discussed in the department, and these affairs are an open secret. She frequently throws wild undergraduate parties at her home, during which she plies her future prey with alcohol and evocative discussion of academic theories.

Still lacking those all-important first-weekend-back plans? This Friday and Saturday night, don't waste your time at SAE -- The Aquarius Theater on University has you covered. On both days they're doing midnight showings of "Hard Candy," a 3D '70s porno that has been called The Citizen Kane of ... well, 3D '70s pornos. But remember: If you go wi

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Not only are Stanford students not etting a lot of sex, apparently the little we're getting we're doing completely wrong. Stanford fell 37 places in the National Sexual Health Report Card -- down from the number 2 spot last year. And while it makes sense that University of Minnesota is kicking our asses in the sexual health department (what else

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Your children's children are still going to be paying off this room repair to Stanford Housing.
Sure, everyone at Stanford seems nice: the RAs, your professors, non-sketchy grad students -- and make no mistake, for the most part they genuinely are. There is only one force of true evil on this campus (at least 'til Rumsfeld gets here) and its na

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Some numbers they didn't tell you:

45 students will spend their first night on the Farm sexiled in the lounge
318 students will use "I hate 'Two Truths and a Lie'" as one of their truths in the...
9 games of "Two Truths and a Lie" you play during NSO.
142 roommates will start harboring the seed of secret resentment that will ruin their relation

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Like peanut butter and jelly or, more appropriately, like war and pestilence, it looks like Donald Rumsfeld and Condi Rice cannot be separated. Rummy just announced he will be a visiting fellow at the Hoover Institution. Looks like Hoover Tower isn't the only Hoover-related thing on campus that looks like a total dick.