Learn from my mistakes:

Black Out the Windows: One telltale sign of a party is the visibility of your multi-colored disco light shooting out of your front windows and onto the street. Even if you’re not so bold as to have said multi-colored disco light, if you’re lights are on and the cops hear sounds, all that they’ll have to do is look up at your window and see the extra forty-five people gracing the living room. You can use sheets, towels, black paper, trash bags, paint—get creative.

Soundproof, Soundproof, Soundproof: This can be combined with the previous rule if you use blankets or towels. I know that you love “Whatever You Like” by T.I., but playing it so loud that the rest of the neighborhood is also drinking Patron on ice, somebody—probably that random old guy that for unknown reasons lives among college students in an overpriced slum—will call the cops. Anything thick that can cover the windows will not necessarily prevent sound from escaping your apartment, but it will definitely reduce the output to the street.

Designate an Out of the Way Smoking Area: People smoke cigarettes. If they’re a tool, they might be smoking a Black and Mild, cloves or worst-case scenario, an unmodified blunt. Regardless of what they’re smoking, they going to smoke it, especially if they’re drinking. Assuming you do not allow people to smoke cigarettes in your apartment, people are going to go outside to smoke and that outdoor location will probably be your front porch/stoop. Nothing screams “I’m having a party” like twenty wasted looking kids chain smoking cigarettes on your front porch. Maybe you have a fire escape, basement, one bedroom, back alley, roof—if you do, use it. This also reduces the number of randos entering your apartment. When freshmen are crawling down your street in a large pack and notice the massive amount of people smoking outside, they’ll employ the first lesson they learned at college; they’ll try to sneak into your party, and more than likely, invite the rest of their floor.

Regulate the Entrance: Every so often, you should send someone from your apartment to the front of your house/building. People are at your house drinking, some are coming, some are going, and as they are doing so, they’re probably drinking pocket beers, beers from your party or who knows what else. If they are finishing their beverage as they are entering or exiting your place, they’ll probably grace your front stairs/yard with the dead soldiers. If the po-po are on the prowl and they notice a collection of tattered Solo cups and beer cans and it’s still early enough for a party to be going down, you might be screwed. Though they are no Sherlock Holmes, they do have extensive experience in breaking up parties, and yours will be no exception.

DO NOT MAKE A FACEBOOK EVENT: The word about parties spreads fast enough, you don’t need Facebook to help you out. Just think about how you hear about random parties from others when you ask them, “Hey what are you doing tonight?” This question is usually proceeded by, “I’m going to 39 Brainerd. (Insert name here) knows the kids that live there. You should come by.” This is a never-ending statement. It will continue to spread like herpes in Mexican porn. Try to use the old word-of-mouth technique. Do you want sixty people at your party? Invite six people via text-message or phone call, and two hours later, you’re sure to be fifteen people deep in the line to the only bathroom.

Do Not Make a Facebook Event: Just said it, but I really wanted to stress this point.
Don’t Set Off Fireworks: What the f*ck? Who is dumb enough to set off fireworks at a party? Me. Last week I found some fireworks in my closet (awesome) and some people came over. I wasn’t expecting a large party, but it became one. I had the fireworks and an itchy finger, and it all summed up to a bad decision. I, along with five others set off roman candles and bottle rockets in the street. Though we did get a standing ovation from some drunk girls getting out of a cab two houses down (awesome), the cops ended up coming to the house within half an hour (not awesome).

Kick Out Randoms: I know that it sucks to be that guy; you know they guys that walks up to you and says, “Who do you know” or “Do you know anyone that lives here?” but it has to be done sometimes. When half of Warren Towers is at your apartment, it only means that there are more to come, which spells trouble for you. Not only will there be less beverage, but also there will then be a crowd waiting outside your apartment, because it has become too crowded. If things are going well, whatever, but if things start to get hectic—kick the randoms the f*ck out. BU is a big school, you’ll probably never see the person again, and if for some reason you do, just do the classic Comm. Ave Awkward Interaction move and put your head down and ignore the shiiiiiit out of them.