Collegetown is where all Cornell undergraduates go to experience Ithaca's thrilling nightlife.

Don’t laugh; Ithaca may be in the middle of nowhere, but the city itself benefits greatly from having several institutions of higher learning within a close proximity.

However, no one sees more action on any given Thursday night than the bartenders of Collegetown, some of whom are either Cornell students or recent graduates.

The Cornell Daily Sun reports:

Gwyn Whieldon, grad, overheard a guy trick two girls into searching through his pubic hair for 10 minutes; Sean “Sully” Sullivan and Brad Weiss, M.M.H. ’03 stumbled upon a couple having sex in public, only a few feet away; and Gabe Dobbs ’10, learned how to concoct red-headed sluts and liquid cocaine by heart. This all may sound a little odd to some people, but for these brave souls, it’s all in a day’s work. That’s because Gwyn, Brad, Sully and Gabe are all Collegetown bartenders. In fact, they are just a few members of the revered coterie of expert mixologists who keep the wheels — and disco balls — of Cornell’s night life spinning.

[…] Whieldon justifies her love for Level B with a crazy story: “A friend of mine was there recently and he was talking to two girls and they were asking about his piercings. They were like, ‘Did those hurt?’ He said, ‘No, but my tattoo did,’ and he claimed that he had a tattoo under his pubic hair and they spent ten minutes looking for it, searching through his pubic hair in the girls’ bathroom until he finally admitted he didn’t have a tattoo there and wandered away leaving the girls standing in the bathroom in shock.”

If that’s not the most absurd thing you’ve heard in your life, you’ve eked out a storied existence rife with debauchery-riddled tales worthy of the most salacious publications.

In other words, we all want to be you – or at the very least, be your friend.

Interested?