Rednecks...so ubiquitous in popular culture, yet rarely do you actually see this strain of the human species in person.  That is, if you're from anywhere but the duuurty South.

Today, I was able to finally see a pack of this breed up close and personal and took the opportunity to systematically observe their features.  Here are my conclusions.

Symptoms of Being A Redneck:  Are you a redneck?

1)    You wear t-shirts decorated with fish or fishing-related sceneries.
2)    You wear a hat that is completely dilapidated and that you've somehow managed to severely stain, yet you continue to wear it.
3)    You have some sort of facial hair, the most telling varieties being the beard and the bootstrap.
4)    Your wardrobe contains clothes with camouflage patterns, and you think that those camouflage pants go really well with your plaid shirt.
5)    You actually do have a red neck and have uneven, glaring sunburns awkwardly covering all exposed parts of your body.
6)    You curse excessively about unimportant things (e.g. "What the f*&k you got there?  Those scallops and with saffron rice?! Hell!")
7)    You engage in lengthy conversations about how you like your burgers cooked and prepared (e.g. "I like them pepper jack cheeses."  "I like to alternate my cheeses...damn, they're so good!")

If you have four or more of these symptoms, I am so sorry.  You are a certified redneck.  Please, just accept it...and keep the cussing down around little kids...