Been in a relationship for a while? Getting bored of the old in-and-out? Try these out.

Disclaimer: The following are merely suggestions and should not be taken seriously. Any physical or psychological injuries sustained is not the writer or College OTR’s fault.

1. Imitate Animal Moves

The most obvious way to add some pizzazz to your humping is to try new ways to hump. Observe and try to imitate animal copulation. Chimpanzees for example, have very complex but intrinsically rhythmic hip movements. Dolphins have a more fluid shake. There’s a lot we can learn from our animal friends.

2. Introduce Fruits and Vegetables

Not only are they nutritious, but fruits and vegetables can also fit into various crevices and holes of the body.

Start easy with grapes, cherries, and green beans. Move up to bananas, carrots, and cucumbers. Tackle watermelons and even pumpkins once you’ve established your…abilities.

3. Drugs

Drugs enhance your senses, so if you’re feeling really experimental, try some hard drugs and go rub some uglies! Put on costumes and try mushrooms! Or turn up the music, turn on the strobe lights, and take some ecstasy! Whatever the mix, you can’t go wrong with drugs!

4. Body-Count Bump

Watch your favorite action movie and try to see if you and your partner’s combined orgasms can outnumber the amount of dead bodies. Start easy with something like Kill Bill (few kills, and well spread out), move up to Gladiator and the Godfather. If you’re really up for a challenge, watch Saving Private Ryan.