Let's face it, not all guys are meant to sleep with as many shameless sorostitutes as possible. Some dudes want to settle down with a nice girl, even if only for a few months at a time. Because I recently got my PhD in Wooing Women, I'm going to give you 5 ways to win a girl over.

But before I get started, it needs to be stated that these tricks shouldn't be used on just any skank with a nice set of ta-tas. These are the kinds of panty-dropping things that you only do for girls that are wife material...so if you met your girl at a frat party, she's probably not worthy. So, set your sights high. These are the kinds of moves that will nab you a girl who is way out of your league:

1.) Throw her a surprise birthday party

This is a beautiful move on several levels. First, it shows that you're capable of remembering her birthday. Second, she'll remember it forever. Third, it'll set you apart from every other asswipe trying to win her affections. Really, how can anyone compete with that? Finally, it's the easiest thing you'll ever do! If you play your cards right, you won't have to exert any effort at all.

The key is to call her best friend and tell her that you're planning on throwing your girl a surprise birthday party (brace yourself, the friend will be so impressed, she may offer to sleep with you then and there. Kindly decline, unless you're sure that she can keep a secret). As soon as you ask for her help, she'll do all of the work. Even if you do nothing from that point forward, since it was your idea you will get all of the credit.

Still, you should keep an eye on the details. Bonus moves include:

• A personalized birthday cake. Bring a picture of her to your local bakery, they'll screen print it on the cake, along with the words "Surprise! Happy Birthday!"
• Inviting her family, even if you haven't met them yet. She'll view it as a touching gesture, and you'll have an instant "in" with moms and pops.

2.) Volunteer with her

Pick a cause, volunteer and then ask her to join you. This will establish you as a model citizen, the kind of guy who she would want to be the father of her future children. It's important to choose a cause that she's really into, though, or it won't really work. For example, if she's all Jesus-ey and pro-life, don't invite her to help volunteer at Planned Parenthood. You might want to try:

• Mentoring at-risk youth through Big Brothers, Big Sisters
• Helping out at a food bank
• Building houses with Habitat for Humanity

As an added bonus, you can include your good deeds on your resume! Women in human resources totally dig stuff like that.

3.) Build her something

Girls like guys who are good with their hands and can fix shit. It plays on their biological need to be taken care of...or so I'm told by a frat brother named Tank. Tank could build just about anything, and he was constantly beating bitches away with his hammer and laser level. Bookshelves are fairly simple to construct, and every girl could use one. TV stands are also good options.

4.) Get kinky

Do you like sleeping with girls who are boring in bed? Yeah, neither does the young lady you're trying to date. So, take the time to figure out what she likes and do it. If you're boring in bed, she'll be on a mission to find somebody who isn't. Trust me on this one.

5.) Be polite

Sounds like a no-brainer, right? But you'd be surprised how many guys forget to:

• Open car doors (and all doors, for that matter)
• Walk on the street side of the sidewalk (real talk: girls notice this more than you know)
• Pay for the first date, even if she offers to go halfsies
• Compliement her on her outfit (even if it's ugly and makes her look fat, surely there's something you like about it? The earrings, maybe?)