Remember when MTV used to be cool? I don’t. But it at least used to be kind of alright. This year the network has abandoned all attempts to hide their gaucheness with FNMTV Presents: A Miley-Sized Surprise… New Year’s Eve 2009. Seriously, MTV, what are you doing? Targeting the 3 to 9 year-old demographic?

The MTV website describes the NYE special in gory pre-pubescent detail: "To top off a New Year's Eve celebration that's already easily the pinnacle of a showstopping year, MTV is going HUGE – 5'4" huge – with a Miley-sized surprise! Watch as Miley Cyrus shows up on one of her biggest fan's doorsteps for a full day of fun, gifts and performances ... live from that lucky fan's bedroom! Meanwhile, back in Times Square, the party will be raging with The Veronicas, All Time Low, The Academy Is... and Kevin Rudolf. It's a gigantic finish to an awesome year. Peace out, 2008! What up, 2009?"

Yeah, sounds like a rager. The network might as well have also invited the Jonas Brothers to play a festive game of Parcheesi and make a sparkling cider toast. Then again, maybe even the Jonas Brothers declined?

Of course MTV may have been a bit wrapped up in the Viacom-Time Warner dispute as its parent company feuds with Time Warner for the right to get greedy during the recession by increasing fees for its channels. And it really does become difficult figuring out a reasonable New Year’s Eve Special when you’re trying to squeeze money out of viewers for quality televised programming like Bromance and The City.