So I was reading the Michigan Daily today (like I do every day) and I noticed a story that caught my eye: “Student Candidate for Mayor Looks to Lower City’s Underage Alcohol Fines.” The story goes on to detail how the Ann Arbor city council would never pass such a measure and....wait....rewind.

There’s a Michigan student running for mayor?

I guess I missed the memo on this, but it seems that LSA junior Eric Plourde is running for mayor as a Libertarian (surprise, surprise) candidate. That is, for lack of a better term, awesome, which is why I’ve decided to use my platform here on OTR to announce my own candidacy for mayor of Ann Arbor. And I nominate AHor as my running mate. And I accept the offer on his behalf.

So what does the Quest/Ahor ’08 platform look like?

- Lower the drinking age to 12. Why not, they’ll be drinking soon enough anyways, might as well start building up a tolerance now.

 

- Free beer. For everyone. This will be paid for by a tax on the townies who call in noise complaints. Sure you can break up a party, but it’ll cost you $500.

 

- No more parking tickets. Park wherever you want. On the sidewalk, in the middle of the road, in the Diag, I don’t care. Traffic sucks in AA anyways, I’m sure we wouldn’t be able to tell much of a difference.

 

- I’m replacing AAPD with SAE. Catch a criminal breaking into your house? Hand ‘em over and the brothers will lock them in a basement and beat them with dildos until they beg for your forgiveness.

 

- DPS will be replaced by Tri Delt, who instead of giving out MIPs will now go around in tank tops and short shorts and give medals to the drunkest people they find at parties.

 

- The B-school will be torn down (again) and a giant statue of me will be erected in its place. This is non-negotiable.

 

- A monorail system. Because every city needs a good monorail!

I will add more points when I think of them. Any requests are welcome, and the best ones will be included in a future stump speech here on OTR. And if someone wants to make T-shirts and pass them out on campus, I'd appreciate it. 

I don’t know when the election is or where you go to vote, but write us in and I guarantee your college experience will get much more enjoyable. I mean, sure I don’t have any executive experience besides running a website, but using the Sarah Palin theory of running for office, I should be good to go.

More campaign updates to come.