Last Friday, Brad Garrett had some anal probing done on television. It was not part of his recent attempt to find a significant other on his aptly named web series “Dating Brad Garrett,” but part of a well-orchestrated cancer telethon which raised $100 million in just one hour. Certainly it seems as though someone should be paying to see the colonoscopy, since I’m pretty sure that peep shows in the vein of pegging are normally rather costly.

According to the Hartford Courant:

"Stand Up 2 Cancer," on ABC, CBS and NBC (E! decided it would show it as well) was the model of a slick fundraising appeal from design to content to the mileage it got from every celebrity it got to sit on its stage to take calls, urge them ("Call me," Kristin Dunst cooed) and otherwise help in the cause.

Hosts (if not organizers) Katie Couric, Brian Williams and Charlie Gibson presented a united front, introduced as the "anchor dream team." It was the first time the three networks have thrown together since the telethon for Katrina three years ago…

Brad Garrett agreed to bend over and grab the table as he demonstrating getting a digital rectal exam for prostate cancer. "I can't believe Fox is counter-programming against this," he said of his network, alone among the majors not to join in.

Why did Fox choose not to air the cancer telethon? Does it, like John McCain, wish to distance itself from celebrities? Do tumors turn the Fox network on? Apparently Fox’s reasoning for not showing the cancer fundraiser will remain far more mysterious than the state of Brad Garrett’s anus.