Before you attempt to buy off the admissions committee, log on to Zinch.com and "shout out" for your applicant.

Created by Princeton student Mick Hagen, Zinch is another crazy website that allows obsessive parents wannabe college superstars to show THEY ARE NOT JUST NUMBERS!

"Harvard! Yale! Pick me! Pick me! Errr... my kid! Love us! We're more than just a test score!"

According to Hagen, Zinch an admissions officer's wet dream because it allows high school students demonstrate just how badly they want to attend (insert name of school you masturbate to).

Students create detailed profiles about themselves and upload various over-eager media samples (like homemade videos of standup comedy routines). Admissions gurus can then log on to see what kids will be a good match for their school.

Am I only person who feels like the hysteria surrounding college acceptance is totally out of control?

FYI: DON'T log into your kid's Facebook account and attempt to "friend" the admissions officers. Apparently, they're no longer accepting those kind of friend requests.