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Report- Wanna Tailgate With Girls Like This Everyday? Cause These Guys Do.
- Do you like hot girls? So do we.
- A.M. Hotness: Janice From OSU
- A.M. Hotness: Miranda From Syracuse
- A.M. Hotness: Lisa From UT
- A.M. Hotness: Amanda From OSU
- A.M. Hotness: Danielle From ASU
- A.M. Hotness: Sandra From Penn State
- A.M. Hotness: Mary From Harvard
- A.M. Hotness: Claire From WVU
The past week, the hype surrounding Britney Spears’ appearance at the 2008 VMAs has been boring into my skull like a weevil. Is she performing? Yes! There’s a video of rehearsal on Perez Hilton! Wait, no! Her manager says she’s not! By the time the show actually rolled around, one thing was certain, Britney Spears was in fact ”opening” the VMAs.
And what did that entail? Well quite possibly the most literal definition of “opening” you can imagine. After a stilted video skit with Jonah Hill (almost a bigger star than her these days), Britney was hustled from the dressing room to the stage by people wearing headset mics. Oh this must be it! It’s her comeback, that body is tight! Prepare yourself!
"Thank you so much. Thank you for all the love. I'm here tonight to celebrate a very important birthday, the 25th anniversary of the VMAs. This is the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards and it starts right now."
Four sentences? I went out of my way to turn on MTV like a sixth grader for four ****ing sentences? Alright, that’s it. If there was ever a time for a Britney comeback, it was last night. The build-up this week sustained fans’ hopes of salvation from last year’s horrendous opening, but no, we get four sentences read off a goddamn teleprompter.
Britney actually went on to collect three moonmen throughout the course of the night (for “Piece of Me”? Have you ever heard of it?), accepting them in what should have been an SNL parody of a VMA thank-you speech (“First, I’d like to thank God...”). These were actually here only three VMA wins ever, despite being nominated about 40 times back when she was actually popular. Other big winners included Chris Brown, Lil Wayne, Tokio Hotel and oh God I can’t pretend like I’m in middle school anymore. If you really want to know who won everything, check out the comprehensive list here.
Oh right, and Russell Brand is Amy Winehouse in drag. That is all.
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Look, Im not here to judge, BUT I am here to be a part of the viewing audience and I do have the right to commentate. Ok, so back to the show, we get back to the over amped, super fried looking host, and he brutally assaults the Republican party as he tyraids about the USâs miserable 8 years in office. Now donât get me wrong, everything he said was dead on, but guy. This is NOT your country. Go back to your country and talk about your own leaders. Wow.. All the while MTV is bringing out hosts that fumble over words, come to introduce presenters (without a mic) and ultimately just show how ill prepared this years ceremony truly was.
So we know for sure now, the pubescent looking Jonas Brothers are the new age, tro sized, Beetles. And Rhianna and Chris, Im sorry but youâre so exposed! It was cute trying to downplay your relationship (so Jay-Z and Beyonce) but you are officially this yearâs IT couple. Michael Phelps had has the worldâs biggest ears ever but congrats man, youâre such an Olympic legend. I truly think Lil Wayneâs pants get smaller every performance. I mean why do we have to all be subjected to his panty lines, boxers bulged, and bird chest..all at once? I know heâs our black rock star but pull it together. Can you say stylist? Itâs definitely in the budget these days Weezy.
The Host continued to kill me, as he yelled, stated and restated the obvious, and just frequently annoyed me. Lindsey looked sober, ( a first) Ciara looked nervous (aww Cee Cee) and the best dance crews looked like 12 year old school girls as they ran across the room. Oh, they are kids arenât they? Anyway, the show felt like a complete home production and sounded just as bad at a lot of moments. And MTV, why? Tell me why the audience was practically 20 feet from the stage of the presentations and performers? I think it had to be the first time ever that the front stairs that award winners walk up was the same stage they leave off of. MTV, worst set up Iâve ever seen. Cmon, you guys need me. Whoever did you floor setup this year failed miserably and I should finally be able to get in there and get that internship Iâve been trying to get lol!
Pink looked hot, got some more junk in the trunk these days huh?â¦Kudos Mr. Hart =). Ashlee Simpson looked plush. I mean not fat but truly, plush. I didnât know she was sooo preggers. Although her husband, whom she shared the stage with, looked like her little munchkin, it was cute. Okay, so Iâll give MTV their first big pat on the backâ¦using the cast of Superbad. Whoever came up wth that was dead on. Um, T.I. definitely wants a big acting role, did you catch his live audition? Good job man, Iâs sure the scripts will be in the mail by the time you get home. Hollywood does seem desperate these days⦠Can I say Rhianna again. The girl is bad. Bad meaning good that is. Forehead or whatever they say, the chic is amazing! She duoâd with T.I. and did it with such finesse. Maybe the nights best performance. Their back drop was so creative and their performance moved the whole venue out their seats. Something only the Jonas Brothers had done thus far.
Then there was the branded marketing ploy named the VMAâs. If youâre wondering what Iâm talking about your probably never took a college marketing class or are keen to how the media uses products in commercials, schemed up contest, and anything else they can get their hands on to brand the VMAâs. They get to you to pay for VMA contests, VMA ringtones for your cell, and a photo correspondent convienantly linked to some new camera and a heavy traffic website,most likely bombarded with adds from every company ever tied to MTV⦠PLEASE BUY MY PRODUCT WORLD!!! I just get so tired of companies thinking their marketing and advertising teams are brighter than I and that I donât realize I am being exposed to over 500 new products and services everytime the television is turned on!!! Stop with the insults thank you.
And what was up with the timing thing MTV? You donât have to tell me before every commercial that so and so will be performing in approximately 5.2 minutes. Once again just annoying. I know we are an impatient generation but really think about this⦠If someone is not paying your show enough attention that you have to give them the exact time for them to be able to pick and choose whatever acts or special guest they want by the minuteâ¦hmmmm⦠youâve probably lost them already due to a poorly put together show.
The Christina remix was cool. A sexier version of Genie in the Bottle? I didnât know that was possible. Only Ms. Aguilera could do that, great New Age performance though. And Oh my, could our beloved host please stop bashing the Jonas Brothers! Their virgins, move on! Everything about this years show just seemed so corny.I canât pinpoint what that overall should be contributed to but it just did. Weâve got our kick ass country cowboy KidRock. Okay, Iâll admit it, I just love him. He could care less what anyone thinks of him (which is so obvious with his wardrobe choice lol) and then he brings out Lil Wayne. Wow. The guy is so creative, and with he and Weezyâs juices flowin at the same time, it was cool to see. The pants were still small Wayne, and unfortunately they were red this time.. Ahhhâ¦Nevermind. Kanye ended the show with some crazy solo performance of some weird song that I just didnât I understand. But hey, the guy had the nerve to say Bush doesnât care about black people on national television so, Imma let that slide!
Okay so the conclusion, I never want to see Russell Brand host another show, The Jonas Brothers rule the world, Lil Wayne has made a safe cross over to white America, Rhianna is too Hot, and as bad of a year as Britany had, she obviously has enough money to pay MTV for all the plugs to get her career back! Posted 09/08/2008 1:31 PMReply