Well, it seemed inevitable that the automotive industry would have some casualties. I mean even with all the bailout money they’re going to have to come up with cars that, you know, people want. Unfortunately some of the current models are just not going to make the cut.

According to a recent CNN money article GM is doing away with some of their models. And with that we say goodbye to a number of cars, who for whatever reason are going away.

P.T. Cruiser (2000-2009)
 

Shockingly, people don’t want to buy a car that looks like a combination of a minivan and a slug, with all the horsepower of a Neon. I mean did anybody like this idea in the first place? I’m really surprised that it took 10 years to get rid of this thing.

I know the thing was supposed to be a mix of a minivan and the Plymouth Prowler, but why was that a good idea? Do you know anybody who owns a Prowler? No, and that’s why the stopped making them in 2002. How has the P.T. Cruiser outlasted it?

Hummer (1992-2009)
 

It’s not official that they’re getting rid of them necessarily. GM may sell the brand. But seeing as fewer than 30,000 of them were sold last year there’s nothing guaranteeing that anybody is going to want to take control of the franchise.

Nothing is quite as irresponsible as owning one of these. They get no gas mileage, and do more damage to the planet than a Captain Planet villain. Secondly, everybody will immediately hate you. It’s not because they’re haters; it’s because you look like an ass hole in that thing. Third, there is no practical reason for owning a Hummer. Does anybody go off-roading in one of these? I know the commercials show people driving off the edge of a mountain in these trucks, but most people would defecate if they got so much as a scratch on them. Seriously what do these things cost? They’re listed at $30,000 but that’s with nothing. “Oh you want doors on this thing? Well that’s 5 grand.”

Seriously, you’re going to spend 50 large on an SUV and then go firing it around in the swamps? There is no way you’re going to be okay with that? Hell, these people start filling out paperwork for a gun permit when some random kid keys the damn thing. Stop buying Hummers, you ass.

Saturn (1985-2009)
 

I actually feel kind of bad about this one. There’s nothing wrong with a Saturn, I guess. They’re perfectly sensible cars, and you’ve got to admire their “No Haggling” policy at dealerships. I’ve never owned or even shopped around for one in the past but I like the feeling that I’m not at a Turkish Market, trying to play the games with the dealership. Sure they’ve been a little plain, but as this country enters the worst economy in 70 years maybe boring is a good thing.

And recently they’ve even been trying to make their cars stylish and fun to drive. The only problem is it took them around two decades to getting around to trying this. Wow, now there’s an idea; making a car that isn’t the equivalent of popping a Quaalude. I know that people who would buy a Saturn aren’t doing it.

Maybe the problem was in the name. Saturn is the cool planet. It’s got the sweet ass rings, and its name doesn’t conjure up images of a butt hole. Face it; if the planet were inhabitable, we’d already be working on a way to move all our stuff there. Don’t name the most boring car company after it.