The Daily Beast just published a rather blindsiding post that you should show to your parents who are making you spend eight hours a day on your college applications. They have quotes from college admissions officers (off the record of course) on how your application might truly be judged.

It’s kind of funny, kind of infuriating. A lot of it is the typical “we have to let minorities and legacies in,” but some of the stuff is scary. I can get denied from my dream school because the admissions officer’s team lost last night?

I know it’s probably a tedious job, but literally these people are playing with kid’s entire futures. How much different would my life be if I went to Stanford instead of UCLA, because the admissions officer’s girlfriend hadn’t changed the locks the previous night?

Here are some quotes from the article, but there’s a ton more on the site.

Former admissions officer at elite, small liberal arts college in the Northeast, age 25

“One year I had a student with a near-perfect SAT score and straight A’s. I’d originally put him in the submitted pile, but then we had to reduce the list. I reread his essays and frankly, they were just a little more boring than the other kids. So I cut him. Boring was the only justification that I needed and he was out.

If you attach this picture, you might make it.

Current admissions officer, state university in the Northeast

“All in all, we’re less selective than some of the elite schools or the Ivy League. But there are still some factors out of an applicant’s hands. One night, I got food poisoning at a restaurant in Buffalo. The next day, I rejected all the Buffalo applications. I couldn’t stomach reading them.”

Or you know, if you just hate Buffalos.

Current admissions officer, Ivy League university

“Some 70 percent of kids who apply are qualified to come to school here, and we have space for one in ten. We can be as choosy as we like. It almost always comes down to whether or not you’re a likeable person. Let’s face it, some people are just more affable or more likeable than others. An admissions officer is really asking himself, ‘Would I like to hang out with this guy or gal for the next four years?’ So if you come off as just another Asian math genius with no personality, then it’s going to be tough for you. An admissions officer is not going to push very hard for you.”

Sorry pal, it's a no-go.