Conservative Cafe Vs. Bikini Baristas

For some good old fashioned coffee and American values, college students should bring their patriotism to Conservative Café but leave their laptops behind.
 

Dave Beckham opened the Indiana coffee shop as an antidote to the depraved liberalism of Starbucks and other high end stores. He was fed up with the folksy music and the customers who sat for hours with their laptops and iPods.
 

Instead, patrons at Conservative Café will find Ann Coulter books on the fireplace, a portrait of Ronald Reagan on the wall and Fox News playing on all the television stations. Wait is this a coffee shop or hell???
 

But in all seriousness, this café couldn’t have come at a more crucial time in the coffee craze. Those hippies near Seattle are going all free love at Espresso Gone Wild, a coffee shop with bikini-clad baristas. And what upstanding college student would ever stoop to such salacious levels? Luckily for the morality of our fine country, county officials have ruled that the skimpily-clothed workers are considered erotic entertainers and thus not in compliance with zoning regulations.
 

That brings the score to traditional and proper Conservative Café 1, corrupt and curvaceous bikini baristas 0.