I am currently mired in that epic conundrum plaguing modernity: the Wii supply and demand holiday hellhole. And no matter how many times I remind myself that I did indeed procrastinate on purchasing my brother a Christmas present, I am inordinately pissed. How could Nintendo do this to me? Why are there not more Wiis for sale? Are the manufacturers just lazy? And who are the money-grubbing soul suckers buying Wiis to sell at tremendously jacked up prices to Christmas slackers like myself? That’s not the holiday spirit!

The demand is a bit uncanny when you consider that the Wii was released two years ago. I mean, hello! It’s not exactly an electronic spring chicken; in terms of gaming, that’s practically middle aged. Which brings me to another point: why does anyone even still want it? I’m going to go with everyone’s off-the-shelf answer for why people do stupid things now: we’re in a recession and the Wii is aspirational fun. Maybe you can’t join a golf club, but you can play Mario Golf. Maybe you can’t beat the shit out of hedge fund managers, but you can play Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

So after considering the possibility of buying a Wii via CraigsList and realizing that I was asking to get screwed over, I have decided to brave the cold at an ungodly hour tomorrow outside of the Nintendo World Store. Though I had considered wearing a ski mask to stay warm, I have since vetoed that plan after becoming worried that it would appear that I was trying to rob the Nintendo World Store, which I might consider if I wasn’t 5’4’’.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!