Dartmouth College’s Department of Safety and Security released their annual Security Clery Report yesterday, and the sharp decline in alcohol-related offenses on campus from 2006 to 2007 suggests that the Class of 2011 is – for the lack of a better word – dull.

Since 2005, alcohol-related disciplinary action has fallen by a whopping 50%. While crime-stoppers may laud the decrease, the cynic in all of us scoffs at it, because it implies that last year’s freshman class is consuming far less alcohol than their predecessors – or, at the very least, not getting caught doing it.

Courtesy of the Dartmouth Review, here are some other highlights from the report:

We appear to have stamped out arson on campus, with no occurrences in '06 or '07!
Dartmouth campus still murder-and-manslaughter free! Take that, Yalies!
Alcohol-related arrests down 40% since '05 - alcohol-related disciplinary action down almost 50%! (Debate: does this make the '11s the worst class ever?)
No gun law violations (not that there's really any gun laws to violate here in NH)
Burglary, drug law arrests/violations all holding even
A slight up-tick in sexual offenses (14 in '05, 13 in '06, 19 in '07)

Wait – less alcohol, but more sexual offenses? What is wrong with the ‘11s? They have it all backwards.

Still, the report doesn’t provide a breakdown of the statistics by class. So, it is possible that Dartmouth as a whole is abstaining from alcohol -- which, of course, means the entire school is lame.