Everyone makes them, but only a handful will stick with their New Year's resolutions past January, and I’m willing to place a tidy wager that most of you won’t last the week. Here are eight things that everyone in college always swears they’ll do, but more often than not, despite their valiant efforts, they cave due to nagging things like peer pressure and “reality.”

1. I will drink less

Give the booze to the dog instead. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Why you made it: After New Years, everyone swears that they’ll never drink again. This largely has something to do with you waking up in spilled beer/urine/your own vomit clutching your dog/a 40/a fat girl and your head feeling like it was hit by a 2x4/a cinderblock/a freight train.

Why you’ll break it: It takes about 5-7 days to recover from such an ordeal, but once you’ve stopped shaking you’ll probably be throwing them back in no time because it’s some special occasion like “we paid the cable bill on time” or “it’s my fake ID’s half birthday.”

2. I will study more

Libraries are for turds. Like this guy.

Why you made it: You’ve quickly become tired of all-night cramming sessions that leave you with about a 50/50 shot of actually being awake to take the test the next day. You swear you’re going to spread it out more and not throw yourself into a panic mode.

Why you’ll break it: Alright Chapter 4: The Cell Membrane and It’s…ooo is that the Nip/Tuck premiere? I mean, I am studying to be a doctor, so this is kind of like studying.

3. I will go work out

BEEFCAKE!

Why you made it: Because since first semester you’ve magically gained about 20 lbs, discovering that in fact the freshman fifteen was low-balling it. This mainly has come from sitting around playing Mario Kart for the better part of the day, because playing the Wii with a Gamecube controller isn’t what qualifies as “Wii excerise” much less actual excersize.

Why you’ll break it: You will go to the gym with your buddy who always goes to the gym. He’ll kick your ass up and down for two hours, but afterwards you’ll feel pretty good about yourself. Then you’ll wake up the next day and find that you’re in agonizing pain and unable to move your arms, legs or turn your head. After three days of watching Nip/Tuck and not studying, you’ll be able to move again, but you’ll never ever head back to the gym.

4. I will eat better

Sure it's healthy food, but you'll **** up the recipe while staring at Rachel Ray.

Why you made it: The aforementioned 20 lbs gained, plus the fact that you’re current diet of pizza, quesadillas and beer is probably hardening you’re arteries as you’re reading this.

Why you will break it: Well, if you’re not working out, you’ll at least try to start eating healthy. This will be well and good until you go out to dinner with your friends and you order something “Heart Healthy” which will cause all your friends to ridicule you without mercy until you break down and order a steak drowning in butter.

5. I will not hook up with ______ anymore

But she's really good in bed.

Why you made it: Sure you did it at 3 am on New Years Eve, which is technically 2009, but it’s the last time, I swear. It’s a girl your friends all make fun of you for, because she’s slightly insane and she slightly resembles William Shatner.

Why you’ll break it: Because you’ll get drunk, and then you’ll get bored, and then you’ll call her because it’s a sure thing. This is how these things always work, and just because you think that a “9” on the end of the year will change that, that doesn’t make it true.

6. I will get more involved in my frat/sorority

What is a "bro fee" and why is it $300?

Why you made it: Because you keep racking up fines for missing events and not paying dues. And your little brother keeps whining that you never show up to anything because he needs you to buy him alcohol.

Why you’ll break it: You actually do show up to chapter, which you’re promptly reminded of how much you owe in fees. You quickly realize it was a mistake to show your face and you’ll duck out muttering under your breath about “how brotherhood can possibly cost $600.”

7. I will join a club

Companies would love to see your involvement in....whatever the hell this is.

Why you made it: You glanced at your resume and quickly realized that you can’t put “house beer pong champion” as an accomplishment. You decided you need to join some clubs and activities and whatever “Winterfest” event the school has planned for January should do the trick.

Why you’ll break it: As it turns out, most clubs exactly as exciting as they sound. If you join the “Economic Society” it will just be like your econ discussion section, except it’s at night and you’re not getting class credit for it. On the plus side, after the initial meeting where you put your e-mail on a sign-up list, you’ll never have to show up again and you can still put it on you resume.

8. I will raise my GPA

How do you withdraw from Philosophy 102? You can write 50 pages of reflection on a dung beetle and end up with a degree.

Why you made it: Because last semester you spent all your time watching four seasons of Lost and drinking three nights a week and your current GPA is hovering between “bad” and “think about community college.”

Why you’ll break it: This is closely correlated to the “study more” resolution, but can rely on a multitude of factors that aren’t up to you. You’ll study your ass of and the prof will inexplicably write the midterm around the section you were looking at when your roommate stumbled into your apartment and proceeded to start yelling about “cops” and “skanks.” You might break the resolution, but it won’t always be your fault.