In case you were unawares, today is a momentous day. It is the fifth birthday of God of the Internet: Facebook.

A mere five years ago, little Marky Zuckerberg and his cronies huddled around a computer in the esteemed halls of Harvard and poof! Facebook was born. One by one people made “friends” and the addiction spread from campus to campus. As Facebook grew, new features popped up, like the ability to write on a person’s “wall” and add pictures. Time flew and soon you could even put bumper stickers and rate who’s the cutest of all your friends. Marky was so proud of his baby.

Today Facebook is well on the way to world domination. Long ago, the exclusive college demographic was discarded and now more than 150 million people worldwide use this valuable tool. On this Wednesday the 4th of February we want to salute you Facebook, for spreading joy and narcissism around the global.

Forget “birthday,” let’s call this a Facebook Thanksgiving, for these are the things we are most thankful for:

Pictures of hot girls: Thank you Facebook for encouraging hot girls to post salacious pictures of themselves either drunk or in a bikini or drunk in a bikini. It is these pictures that get me through Economics class. Before I had to resort to actually peeping in women’s windows to ogle, but now I can do it from the comfort of my computer.

Relationship status: Thank you Facebook for relationship statuses so I don’t have to waste time on lost causes. I can meet a girl, open Facebook on my iPhone and know instantly whether she’s single and ready to mingle or taken and just looking for friendship.

The wall: Thank you Facebook for letting the world see how popular I am with the amount of wall posts I receive. It strokes my ego plus, when my ex sees all the girls writing cute things to me, the jealousy is an added bonus.

The poke: Thank you Facebook for the online flirting tool. Sure, I’d never admit I actually use it, but it certainly gets someone’s attention.

The livefeed: Thank you Facebook for aggregating my stalking into one easy to read place. I know I complained about this back when it first appeared, but now it cuts my navigating time in half… I can see the essentials like who broke up and who’s looking good in new pics all at once.