Alright, folks.  As this is the first time I'm posting with the Brothers here at OTR, I figure I'll let you know a bit about me.  I'm a writer, I'm a comedian, I've been following sports since I was a kid, and I can't beat my computer in chess.  I actually like the NBA (I know, right?), I think alternate uniforms are generally stupid, and I own a Ron Mercer authentic Celtics jersey.  Some how, that's not the strangest one I have.
 
OK, now that we have that out of the way and I'm a member of your family, let's get going...
 
The week before each Super Bowl, the players from each team are trotted out and are met by masses of media members.  Some of the questions asked are too serious, some are too stupid.
 
 
If I was running things, here are just a few of the questions I'd ask if given the opportunity at one of these carnivals.
 
To an offensive lineman:

• Does it bother you that there's probably only five people that live within 700 miles of your home stadium that can identify you without a helmet on?

OR

• How far along are you? In the pregnancy, how many months in?

To Larry Fitzgerald:

• At what point did you decide that the look you wanted to go for was the Predator look? Also, did you and Chris Bosh speak with him (or, it, I guess?) about jacking his 'do?

To Edge James/Anquan Boldin:

• If it was socially acceptable, would you clone yourself, then marry yourself so you could never stop looking at how great you are?

To any one:

• Have you been to or plan to go to one of Tampa Bay's 43 wild and crazy strip clubs? (as opposed to the serious, business-approach ones elsewhere in the country)
• Both are dead, but who would you rather see alive, 2 Pac or Biggie?
• What player in the NFL do you want to see get wrecked in the most non-life threatening way possible on a football field? That isn't a wide-receiver...
• Do you think Shaq could play offensive line in the NFL?
• What's the deal with this economy? (no, seriously, how hysterical would it be to hear a bunch of millionaires try to make it seem like things are going terribly for them too)
• If Barack Obama played football, what position would he play? Would he be any good? Would you take a free shot at him if he was coming across the middle on you?

 
Those are the sorts of things I'd like to see asked at Media Day. It's the only day a year where the questions are not only expected to be off the wall, but are basically encouraged to be. So, reporters, heed my advice and take advantage of the once-a-year freedom and ask some real questions. Enough of this, "if you were a tree, what type of tree would you be?" nonsense. If you want a moving picture example of the best version I've seen of a reporter taking advantage of a media day opportunity, take a look at this clip.

Now, that's how it's done.