JOE-THE-PLUMBER!!!

Yes, both Senator Obama and McCain lost the last presidential debate, giving the win to none other than Joe-the-Plumber.

After the debate, I quickly hoped on my private jet and flew over to Average America, Ohio where Joe-the-Plumber had been watching the debate in an average bar with a few of his buddies. They were watching the debate in hopes of seeing their new commander-in-chief emerge, but unfortunately Joe-the-Plumber's friend, Joe-Six-Pack, was still wired from a McCain rally and starting shouting racial threats towards Obama whenever he appeared on the screen until he finally threw a wrench at the TV. The TV was destroyed and so was the debate for Joe-the-Plumber. Or so he thought...

Shortly after the debate Joe-the-Plumber received a phone call from his friend, Jack-the-Cable Guy, informing Joe that he actually won the debate! Joe-the-Plumber was ecstatic with the good news.

Joe-the-Plumber: I really didn't expect this at all! I was just sitting in a bar, having a beer like an average, struggling American when I found out I won the debate. I feel like I just won the lottery; I did absolutely nothing to deserve this! But if I am elected via the largest write-in campaign ever, I have a tax plan that will benefit average Americans like John-the-Mailman. And just like I do everyday at my job as a plumber, I will put an end to those worthless turds on Wall Street that seem to keep clogging up the system.

Wow! Now that's some straight talk!