You know, it's hard to believe it's already been a whole year. I'm still reeling from last year's Financial Literacy Month. Just like Christmas but without Santa Claus or your abusive Uncle Rodger planting his face in egg nog, Financial Literacy Month is a chance to win cool prizes and take multiple choice quizzes on the internet!  Join me, won't you, as I find my Money IQ, learn about how broke I'm going to be when I graduate, and generally have a time of it!

Quiz 1:  The Basics

This ought to be easy; everyone knows the basics! When there is no money in my wallet, I use my CELL PHONE to talk to a parent or guardian about giving me more money! Also, there are magic boxes all over campus that provide you with free money, just for guessing a simple four digit code! Oh, and don't forget about wooden nickels! (Hint: Don't take them!) using my already vast knowledge about moneys and moneys-related topics, I took the U's Basic Financial Literacy Quiz, and here's how I fared!

"#1 When I manage my spending, I am denying myself things in life.

True
False"
 

Denying myself things? Of course not! Spending management means "Should I get pizza or a sandwich today?" Whenever I take to managing my spending, I refuse to deny myself anything, as that is not how to stimulate this American economy (which is peachy, thanks for asking!). The answer is, of course, False!

"#2 Which of the following statements are true of the budgeting process?

Budgeting creates more wealth.
Budgeting forces you to sacrifice your well being.
Budgeting releases you from stress.
Budgeting contributes to global warming. "

Hmm... This one's a bit tougher! Rather than having two options to choose from, I have to read four whole things and think about each of them! Whoah Nelly! But this one isn't too difficult either: It's simply asking how many of these statements are true! I heard about "budgeting" once on the television, so it must be an important thing to get all the way there! If something got to be mentioned on TV, it must create more wealth. Check. Forcing you to sacrifice your well-being? Release from stress? GLOBAL WARMING?!? I didn't realize this was suddenly Science Hour with Dr. B.B. O'Math-Learnin'! Geez! Since it can't both release you from stress and sacrifice your well-being, I decided they must both be false. And as far as contributing to global warming, I don't think such a thing really exists. Besides, as Sarah Palin so aptly puts it, who cares what causes global warming? Until I see some strong evidence in support of it, I won't mark this one true, because it says "global warming" and that scared me off.

"#3  Where can you go for help with money issues?

Mom and Dad
Financial Aid Office
Boynton Health Services
All of the above "

You can of course go to Mom and Dad for help with money issues. I'm in college! My issue is "I don't have money" and "Hey where's the money?", both of which are magically solved with a trip to Mom n' Pops! The Financial Aid Office probably has some good things to say on the subject, like "You don't qualify, you lazy person"! Ha! Stay away from them. Boynton? Maybe you could go there, if you had that disease like on the commercial where you have so much money that you are sick. they would take it from you and not discuss it, I bet. As always, Mom and Dad are the answer!

"#4 Which documents should be stored?

Student loan documentation
Passport, birth certificate and social security card
Tax documents
All of the above "

It is my contention that if you store documents, you will forget where you put them or burglars will break in and defile them.  Documents are terrible things, they clutter up the house and remind you of how dumb your middle name is. Don't ever save documents. I'm sure that's the point this quiz is trying to get me to reach.

"#5 I can save $7,000 if I graduate in four years.

True
False "

It is a moot point; no one at the U will graduate in four years. They just want to rub this in your face. You lose style points for that faux pas, Financial Literacy Quiz. Quit asking me hurtful questions while you're ahead.

Done! 

Unfortunately, the quiz does not give you a number for your Money IQ, as I was expecting. Like many authority figures, it tells you what you did wrong and then makes you feel guilty. There are several important links I could click to improve my score by next time. But I've got a whole month to get Financially Literate! Come on, let's go spend our tuition money on shots and posters with boobs on them! Go money!