Leaked Theta E-mail: Michigan Guys Suck, So We're Importing

I kind of like Theta more and more as time goes on. You know why? Because they clearly do not give two shits about this site, and I have to respect that. This is demonstrated by the fact that out of 296 votes on Ahor’s sorority poll, they have exactly 0%. Not even like three votes that round down to 0%, they literally have zero votes. That is impressive. Either they told their members to specifically not vote and everybody else hates them, or the members just don’t care…and everybody else hates them.

So let’s see if I can’t prod them a little by publishing this leaked e-mail intercepted by one of my spies. It details a party tonight where Theta is literally importing “HOT” sammy guys from Wisconsin “because Michigan guys are ****s.” It’s really quite a hilarious read as it has everything I could ever want to see in a sorority e-mail. People say I take advantage of stereotypes in my writing on this site, but when I read stuff like this, it only reassures me that I’m doing the right thing.

From: (redacted)

Date: Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:12:09
To: <theta@umich.edu>
Subject: ACAPULCO NIGHTS

GET EXCITED -
This Saturday night we are planning a pregame with the boys of SAMMY
from Wisconsin. These guys are HOT - and they are gonna have guys
here of all ages which means more of a selection for us! I cannot
tell you how excited they are - we've been working on this for the
past 2 weeks. Who isn't sick of our Michigan boys always being such
****s to us? Its time to enjoy new guys - fresh meat - who are
just as excited to meet us and who won't be ****s (the weekend
isn't long enough to get to know if a guy is an **** or not). At
the beginning of every year, all our boys go gaga over the hot new
incoming freshmen they get to hook up with. We become old news and
get ditched. This weekend for us is as close as it gets to
experiencing what our guys go through during welcome week. Ditch our
boys - they are useless - and take advantage of this weekend.
Saturday is the last night of the weekend which means everyone is
gonna go out BIG. We are going out like its welcome week - so prepare
to be blackout. After much time and effort, we have finally figured
out a location for the pregame. Supposedly a guy in (redacted) has a
friend here who is willing to hold the pregame at his house at (redacted).

Its a (redacted) senior house and they said its big and
will fit a lot of people. They are supplying ALL the alcohol and are
prepared to show us a great time. This is also the very first pregame
our new freshmen will experience so we want to make sure they have an
AMAZING time. Prepare to not remember the night - cuz the pregame
starts early so we can all still go out and do our own thing later.
Be there at 930 dressed to impress. Ill see you all there - ill
probably be the one with my boobs popping out of my dress....haha
shitt.....
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

 

And there you have it. If you really want a screenshot, I guess I can give you one, but I honestly couldn’t write this if I tried. Yeah, yeah I’m a douche for publishing this cause “girls just wanna have funnn!!” but come on, try to show me something that fulfils more sorority stereotypes than this. Anyways, everyone enjoy the game (and pre-game) today, and remember to send me those pledge class Facebook groups!