We report about death a fair amount here at OTR, so much so that it’s gotten us a bit down. Fortunately, this story came along and brightened up our day. Sure it’s about death, but sometimes, death can be fun! I say this because this post is about “Lifegem” which is a company who makes “life gems.” Which means...?

It’s a simple concept really, your loved one dies, and you miss them so much you want them around forever. So instead of putting a lock of their hair in your locket, you can now have their ashes turned into a diamond that you fit into a band. A “death ring” if you will. Err, sorry, “memorial ring.” Here’s what Lifegem says about their diamonds on their poorly formatted website:

LifeGem diamonds are molecularly identical to natural diamonds found at any high-end jeweler. To qualify as diamonds, they must have the exact same brilliance, fire, and hardness (the hardest substance known) as diamonds from the earth, and of course, they do!

I love how they have to clarify that diamond is “the hardest substance known." And "of course they do" what? Oh, qualify as diamonds? Your diction is confusing, Lifegem. And how much will this cost you? 3.5K for the .2 carat and 18K for a 1 carat. Uh, yikes.

Hey you know what also lasts forever? Memories. And they don’t even cost $20,000! Look, I’m sorry, but if your husband dies, and the first thing you do is run to turn his body into a diamond, I think you might have some materialism issues.