Rob Van Winkle, better known as Vanilla Ice to, well, everyone on the entire planet, has officially apologized to humanity for releasing the bubonic plague that was his hit single “Ice, Ice Baby” during the early 90s.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, “Apology not accepted, Mr. Van Winkle.”

This heartfelt apology, while appreciated, is too little, too late. I mean if someone created a flesh-eating airborne virus that ravaged the planet then said “Sorry, guys” would you really forgive and forget? Probably not; you’d want to see the man hang for committing a gross offense against humanity.

Granted, comparing a cheesy song to a man-made virus is fairly ludicrous, but my point is that the punishment should fit the crime—meaning, an atrocity like the one committed by Van Winkle requires an equally inhumane punishment.

Now, I am a benevolent man, so I’m not asking for a lump of flesh from Mr. Van Winkle. But I do feel he should be locked in solitary confinement and forced to listen to “Ice, Ice Baby” on loop for a month.

After that, I think we’ll be even.