-- A 78-year-old man fended off two armed burglars (one man, one woman). The woman, who was carrying a 12-guage shotgun, felt the full force of the military veteran’s attack when he managed to wrestle the gun away from her while completely nude.

-- The cult woman accused of letting her one-year-old child starve to death is suing the city of Philadelphia for not taking the child away from her before she committed the crime. If she wins her lawsuit, it will be proof positive that people never have to be held accountable for their actions – ever.

-- Forty-four years ago, a woman’s wallet was stolen while she was attending a gym class. This week, someone found it and returned it to her. What are the odds of her still having anything of value left in there?

-- The Georgia women's volleyball team successfully defeated the Russian team at the Beijing Olympics. Too bad things aren’t looking as peachy for the war-torn country on the actual battlefield.

-- While getting a haircut at a local barbershop, a man spotted a nude calendar hanging on the wall. Upon closer inspection, he realized the nude model was actually his girlfriend. Instead of calmly leaving the shop to go speak with his girlfriend, he burned it down.