College students, being horribly impoverished, usually choose cheap beer like Natural Light and Coors Lite to drink on any given night. However, we can all agree that stuff is terrible, sickeningly phlegm-like and probably responsible for shortening our life spans.

Of course, millionaires don’t have this problem, and most have probably never even tasted Natty Lite. But rest assured that they do pre-game like the rest of us. They merely do it with fancy-looking, gaudy bottles, not cans.

If I had all the money in the world, here are the awesome pre-game beverages I’d use:

1. Samuel Adams Utopias Beer (The Poor Man’s Very Best)

Yes, you read that correctly: Samuel Adams. However, we’re not talking about the sad excuse for beer sold at every cornerdeli; we’re talking about the $100 limited edition beer that’s 27% alcohol and sold only every couple of years. Packing 27% alcoholic content, you could pre-game, game and pass out with a single bottle.

2. Vieille Bon Secours Beer (The “Only Belgians Can Pronounce It” Brew)

This Belgian import was once sold exclusively in a restaurant in London until it was mysteriously discontinued—probably because the name, when translated, mentioned something about poison. However, before it was, each bottle cost about $750 a pop. Even if it tastes like liquid turd, every beer connoisseur needs to try it… and preserve the funky-looking bottle.

3. Diamonds-Are-Forever Cocktails (The Girly Man’s Drink of Choice)

OK, I know what you’re thinking: real men don’t pre-game with cocktails, especially not a martini. However, each serving of this $16,000 drink comes with a one-carat Bulgari diamond in it. Need I say more? [Hint: Give it to a special lady friend for reap the maximum benefit.]

4. Macallan Fine & Rare Vintage 1926 (Your Great-Grandfather’s Whiskey)

This particular bottle of whiskey once sold for $38,000 per bottle. However, the original supplier, Macallan’s Fine & Rare Vintage, ran out of their stock. If only time travel were possible…

5. 1775 Sherry (The Colonial Man’s Wine)

That’s right; this wine is from before the American Revolution. Therefore, it must taste like the ironclad tyranny of ol’ King George—that is, incredibly bitter. The cost at one auction was $43,500.

6. Wray & Nephew White Overproof Rum (The Four Horsemen of the Drunkpocalyse)

There are only four bottles of this 1940s Jamaican rum in existence, which means it fetches a hefty sum of $53,000 per bottle. However, if you ever stumble across one (or rob someone that does), don’t hoard it or leave it resting on a shelf. Drink it, and make sure everyone around you knows exactly how much it cost.

7. Spluch Tequila (The Ultimate Flask)

OK, tequila is terrible. However, the $255,000 value of this particular variant comes from the solid platinum and white gold bottle, not the liquor itself. So, theoretically, you could put Coors Lite in it and still pre-game in style.

8. Diva Vodka (L’Femme Vodka)

Don’t let the name fool you. This thing is a behemoth, having been distilled three times and filtered through a column of gemstones (the same gems in the bottle itself). Starting at $765,000 a bottle, it packs a serious punch to your wallet and kidney—all at once. Just remember not to swallow any of the stones or you will be digging through your feces later.

9. Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac Grande Champagne (The "Longest. Name. Ever." Cognac)

From the name alone, you can tell that this particular cognac is only for the top-tiered upper class snob. Priced at $1,946,617, this liquor comes in a crystal bottle that has been dipped in 24K yellow gold and sterling platinum, and then adorned with diamonds from top to bottom.