OTR's Field Guide for Telling Clinton from Palin

So Sarah Palin is in the news 24/7 these days. First she was a shocking VP pick by McCain, and now a 44 year old grandma-to-be. McCain really seems to have gone out on a limb here, obviously trying to appeal to those Hilary voters, still pissed off after her stinging loss to O-BAM-A! during the primaries. They are both in fact women, but here’s OTR’s helpful guide in case you're having trouble telling the two glass-ceiling shatterers apart.

                                                 Hilary Clinton                              Sarah Palin

Party:                                       Democrat                                    Republican

Age:                                          51                                              44

Day Job:                                  New York Senator                       Alaska Governor

Claim to Fame:                      "Creating 18 million cracks          The newfound determination

                                                 in the highest glass ceiling          to slide through one of

                                                 in the land"                                  those cracks

First Impression:                  Fear, impotency                           The desire to ask her where the

                                                                                                     the non-fiction section is

Husband:                               Bill "The Thrill"                              Some dude, has a beard

Kids:                                       Chelsea, looking kind of               Five, And as we all know,

                                                 cute these days                           one newly forming grandkid

Celebrity Look-a-like:          Chelsea Clinton, oh that               President Laura Roslin from

                                                doesn't count? Maybe....              Battlestar Galactica, Dr. Melfi from

                                                Gizmo?                                         The Sopranos, Tina Fey

Favorite Hometown             Over-confident squirrels               Reindeer, no they are for sure

Animal:                                                                                        not imaginary

Abortion:                                Up to you                                     That baby is comin'!

Gays:                                      Just like us!                                  At least they don't get abortions

Guns:                                      AK-47s might be pushing it          I've always said, caribou hunting

                                                                                                    is easier with a gatling gun

Energy:                                  Wind is cool, so is biofuel             Whatever JMac tells me to say

                                                and all that jazz. Also, I drink

                                                enough Red Bull to power

                                                Manhattan

Economy:                              Whatever Barack tells me to         Man, how am I supposed to know

                                                say                                              all this stuff? I've only been

                                                                                                    governor of this random ass state

                                                                                                    for two years!

Vagina:                                  Check                                           Check

So unless you skipped all the way to the last row, it should be apparent there are some slight differences between the two women. But maybe if you squint really hard, cover your ears and suffocate that little voice inside you, a Hillary supporter just might be able to make the leap to Sarah Palin. And it’s pronounced PAY-lin. Get it right or she’ll fine your library card. And then maybe take down her hair. And take off her glasses. Mmm.