Sometimes professors are funny because they're clueless. Sometimes, it's because they're so smart they're able to own students with ease. Or sometimes they just seem like they're from ****ing Mars. I've dealt with more of those than I care to remember. Well, this week we're focusing mostly on the first one. 

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Prof: I hate when my screensaver is more interesting than my lecture!

-UF

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Prof: This class is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

-UT

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Man: Was it a lack of cutlery or style in ancient Greece that caused men to typically have full beards?
Bearded prof: …I don’t…know!

-MSU

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Prof: Don’t get online and e-mail me papers. I don’t get online to read y’all’s e-mails. I get online to Facebook, just like you!

-UMN

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Prof: …So you can see the differences in gender roles between Clark Gable’s character and Cary Grant’s. Of course, the case could be made that Cary Grant was bisexual.

Guy: Wait. Which one of them was half-gay?

-Baylor

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Prof: One of the things we’ll be learning about in here is morphology. That is, the way we create words and manipulate them. Why is it we can say fantastic, fan****intastic, but not fantas****intic? Those are the types of questions we’ll answer in here.

-FSU

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Prof: For those of you who have been asleep since the 3rd Grade, we are now in the Information Age.

-Stanford

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Prof: I wonder how good the sex would be with a knockoff?

-UConn

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Prof: If I ask you to go get that dog over there, you won’t come back with a wheelbarrow full of dirt with the dog standing on top of it and go, “Ah, I didn’t know where the ground ended and the dog began.”

-Tenn