I hear a lot of people say that the best part of the Super Bowl has nothing to do with football and everything to do with the commercials. This statement generally seems pretentious, stupid, or both, but there’s something to it: companies really do pull out the stops for the Super Bowl. So in celebration of everything that America is (commercialism and sports, of course) here are my picks for The Best Super Bowl Commercials of 2009. After all, advertising execs are people too.

1) Cars.com "David Abernathy"

If Wes Anderson made a commercial, it would be the Cars.com "David Abernathy" commercial. With visual cues referencing Rushmore like prep school attire, a genius narrative flagrantly mimicking The Royal Tenenbaums, and a rabbit named Aristotle bearing a striking psychic resemblance to Mordecai, "David Abernathy" is possibly the most filmic Super Bowl commercial to date. Never have I been so enthralled and betrayed (That dark, quiet minute of brilliance was an ad for a car website!?) by a commercial. Now I know I better.

2) Pepsi "Pepsuber"

What made "Pepsuber" so great was not even the uncanny McGiver satire, so much as the self-irony, which was so palpable it might as well have been plastered on a hipster T-shirt. MacGruber is a McGivery character, and the commercial is nothing if not self-conscious. Just check out this gem of advertising copy.

Hysterical Woman: From the looks of that C4 we only have about fifteen seconds!

Macgruber: Just take a chill. Crack a Pepsi and refresh everything.

Grubby Man: What does that even mean?

Macgruber: It's Pepsi's new motto. To me, it means "relax."

Grubby Man: Are you sponsored by Pepsi or something?

Macgruber: What!? Maybe. But who cares? I am one hundred percent my own man. By the way, I had my name legally changed to Pepsuber so if you guys could keep that in mind when you're addressing me...

3) GoDaddy.com
Poor Roger Clemens has been getting a lot of flack about his alleged “misremembering.” Then again, he was kind of asking for it. The latest and greatest in misremembering jokes? GoDaddy.com’s Super Bowl commercial, which is set as the televised “Major League Enhancement Hearing.” After a judge asks several ladies if they have enhanced, one says that her accuser “misremembered.” Then Danica Patrick, best known for her carside hissy fits, admits that she too has enhanced— her website that is. Then in a shameless pull on the stereotypical NFL crowd, a woman shows her tit “enhancements.” It really wasn’t all that witty of a commercial at all, but any jab at Clemens’ travesty to the English language is worth air time to me.