Bad news, guys. Really bad news. All those years where you thought that choking the chicken was innocuous were big fat lies.. A new study from the United Kingdom shows that men who frequently masturbate are more likely to get prostate cancer.

Yep, that’s right, exercising your forearms is probably not the best exercise for your health. Unless you’re doing reverse curls at the gym. Now we really understand the meaning of the saying “Ignorance is bliss.”

Science Daily reports:

Men who are very sexually active in their twenties and thirties are more likely to develop prostate cancer, especially if they masturbate frequently, according to a study of more than 800 men.

 However the UK research team also found that frequent sexual activity in a man’s forties appears to have little effect and even small levels of activity in a man’s fifties could offer protection from the disease. Most of the differences were attributed to masturbation rather than sexual intercourse…

 “We were keen to look at the links between sexual activity and younger men as a lot of prostate cancer studies focus on older men as the disease is more prevalent in men over 50” says lead author Dr Polyxeni Dimitropoulou, who is now at the University of Cambridge.

 “Hormones appear to play a key role in prostate cancer and it is very common to treat men with therapy to reduce the hormones thought to stimulate the cancer cells. A man’s sex drive is also regulated by his hormone levels, so this study examined the theory that having a high sex drive affects the risk of prostate cancer.”

 

Okay, so the more you want to have sex, the more likely you are to develop prostate cancer? That seems just wrong. How can nature fault a guy for being ambitious? Whatever happened to natural selection? Aren’t we supposed to be trying for creating more offspring? Alright, so maybe self love is not exactly helpful for procreation, but come on now, can’t a guy enjoy a bit of alone time?

And what does the frontal stuff have to do with the back door? This is discovery is truly mind boggling. The organs in question aren’t even on the same side of the body, let alone in each other’s vicinity. I question the scientific procedure used by these Brits, but maybe that’s just easier to deal with than giving my old buddy righty a good long vacation.