The Top 10 Badass Celebrity Tattoos

Scarlett Johansson has the gossip blogs on fire today after she showed up somewhere with a goofy ass tattoo on her arm. For her sake I hope it’s a press-on because if I was stuck with that thing for the rest of my life I’d probably chop my arm off.

But there are celebrities who know how to do the whole tattoo thing well. It’s a very small minority considering the god-awful taste that most of them have, but when they do it right, they do it brilliantly. Here are the top 10 badass celebrity tattoos:

10. Kiefer Sutherland‘s Barbed Wire

“Why is this even on the list?” you may ask. After all, isn’t the barbed wire tattoo the lamest thing you could ever get permanently etched on your body. Yes, but in this case, it’s Jack Bauer, and Jack Bauer could get a tattoo of a Unicorn having sex with a dolphin and it would still be the most badass tattoo ever.

9. Victoria Beckham’s Language Line

I’m not really sure why I like this one, but it’s seldom that tattoos work well for women. I’ve no idea what it says, but no doubt it’s something extremely profound. I think she just did it in an attempt to keep up with her husband (who comes later in the list).

8. Anthony Kiedis’s Eskimo Hawk

Sure, Eskimo hawk sounds right to me, I’m not really sure what else to call it, but it looks pretty damn sweet.. By the way, Anthony Kiedis is in the Red Hot Chilli Peppers if you didn’t know. I didn’t….

7. Tila Tequila’s Flying Musical Heart Solider Crest

She may be one of the most annoying people on the planet, but I dig her ink. I really wish the music note wasn’t there, but I love the winged heart and crossed machine guns.

6. Steve-O’s Steve-O

I remember when he did this as a stunt for Jackass, and it’s still just as funny today as it was back then. I’m not sure how many hours and dollars it took, but you can’t pay too much for a joke like that. And the icing on the cake is the caption, “Yeah dude, I rock!”

5. Megan Fox’s Sad Poem

It reads “There once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her HEART.” Not sure why “heart” is in caps, but OK. Oh Megan, I would never hurt you like that tattoo-inspiring bastard did.

4. David Beckham’s Guardian Angel

There are many angel tattoos out there, but no one does it better than David Beckham. Allegedly he got it to protect the his two children, whose names are also embedded in the tattoo somewhere. I think the flying cross above it is a bit much though. Two sets of wings in a span of eight inches is pushing it.

3. Angelina Jolie’s Tiger Shred

Upon closer inspection I think that it’s actually some sort of secret text but I don’t feel like hunting down any cryptologists to decipher it at the moment. Angelina’s got a bunch of tattoos, including another tiger themed one on her lower back. I’m surprised she hasn’t named one of her kids “Bengal” yet.

2. Eminem’s Hailie Jade

Anyone can get their kids name, but Eminem got a full-on portrait of his daughter on his shoulder. It’s a refreshing change from his other shoulder which is a bunch of skulls and broke down buildings (presumably Detroit). It’s about the only place you’ll see a sensitive side to this blisteringly explicit rapper.

1. Dwayne Johnson’s Samoan Madness

Let’s be honest, you can only pull this off if you’re the Rock or Toa from American Gladiators. And they’re cousins. The intricate tribal designs probably mean something, but they just looking ****ing awesome for the most part. Also an honorable mention is the Brahma Bull on his other arm back from his wrestling days. Two kickass tattoos on one kickass dude.