5 Devilishly Good Blog Excerpts of University of Iowa Grad (and Juno Screenwriter) Diablo Cody

University of Iowa grad Diablo Cody has MySpace, and she’s gonna use it! Cody, who made her name writing the screenplay for Juno and a book chronicling her experience as an exotic dancer called Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper, has been on a blog tirade. She takes on the haters, the Mondays, and testicle signings. Who could ask for more? Below, check out the Top 5 Devilishly Good Diablo Cody Blog Excerpts.

1) Diablo Cody responds to the haters by writing:

“I have a response to those who are still boring enough to lob insults in my direction. (Those of you who are friends, fans, enablers, or dislike my writing for legitimate, rational, nonpersonal reasons can tune out now if you like. This isn't for you.)

 

 

Anyone else? Bend thine ear: I am not Charlie Kaufman or Sofia Coppola (much as I supplicate at their Cannes-weary feet.) I'm not Paul Thomas Anderson. I'm not even Paul W.S. Anderson. I am middle-class trash from the Midwest. I'm a competent nonfiction writer, an admittedly green screenwriter, and a product of Hollywood, USA. I am "Diablo Cody" and if you're not a fan, go rent Prospero's Books again and leave me the **** alone. I may have won 19 awards that you don't feel I earned, but it's neither original nor relevant to slag on Juno. Really. And you're not some bold, singular voice of dissent, You are exactly like everyone else in your zeitgeisty-demo-lifestyle pod. You are even like me. (I, too, loved Arrested Development! Aren't we a pretty pair of cultural mavericks? Hey, let's go bitch about how Black Kids are overrated!)

 

 

I'm sorry that while you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, I was jamming toxic silicon toys up my ass for money. I get why you're bitter.” 

Whoa. Glad I didn’t get snarky with her. Or go to NYU.

2) Even Diablo Cody hates Mondays, see!:

“Too bad I have to work all day today and tomorrow. Life can't be all Junior Mints and film cans. Although there's nothing to stop me from eating Junior Mints now. Someone sent me a stockpile of movie theater candy for my birthday and the empty boxes are piling up on the $14 IKEA table next to my bed. Classy!”

3) A lot of people don’t like her, what with the stripping and the teen pregnancy movie and all, so there are indeed multiple glorious excerpts in response to Cody critics:

“Thanks to all of you for the ridiculously kind and thoughtful messages you left on my last post. I srsly (look at the old bitch using LOLspeak!) didn't expect to get press coverage for brain-dumping on MySpace about 900 years after people stopped caring. But I guess I "still got it!" Right? Riiiiiight? HOO-HAH! LOOK, I GOT ATTENTION! LOOK AT MEEEE! STRUTTER!”

Manic? Yes. Love it? Duh.

4) Evidently, sometimes Cody finds it necessary to sit back, relax, and think about the good things in life. Here was one of those times:

 “I'm enjoying this! I even signed someone's sack last night, as promised!”

These are the logistical considerations of getting famous.

5) No, Diablo Cody is not her real name. No she won’t change it back to Brook Busey either, as she explains: 

“ I know my name is fake and that it annoys you. What, do you hate Queen Latifah and Rip Torn, too? Writers and entertainers have been using pseudonyms for years. Chances are, you're spewing bile under an assumed screen name yourself. I'm sorry if you think I'm like some inked-up quasi-Suicide Girl derby **** from 2002, but I like my fake name. It's engraved on an Oscar. Yours isn't.”

True. Ouch.