UC Boulder is joining forces with city officials to distribute information on “smart party” tips. Smart party? Can we say “oxymoron”?

To be fair, perhaps at Boulder they haven’t got a copywriter, but “smart party” is about as a appealing as making out with Adnad Ghalib, the former crazy and histrionic boyfriend (well, one of them) of Britney Spears who now alleges that there is a Britney Spears sex tape. 

According to CU News Services:

A guide called "The Smart Party" has been sent to students via campus Buff Bulletins, and Off-Campus Student Services has provided information through its Student Party Guide distributed at its office and other venues.

"It's vital for our students to not only keep their safety in mind while partying, but to also be considerate to those around them," said Julie Wong, vice chancellor for student affairs at CU-Boulder. "Most of them are, but we want to take all the steps we can to ensure that partying remains fun and does not become dangerous or jeopardize the safety and well-being of others. This guide provides helpful ideas in achieving this balance."

Our very favorite “smart party” tip provided is:

o Designate a nondrinking monitor to control noise - the most common cause of complaints and police responses.

Um, right. The next time there’s a party at UC Boulder, CollegeOTR expects for there to be a designated sober noise monitor. Maybe he or she can also pass out ear plugs, Hawaiian Punch juice boxes, and Goldfish crackers. Then as everyone leaves, the noise monitor could pass out goody bags filled with quiet pleasures like coloring books and copies of Reader’s Digest.