One of the greatest feelings during the Holiday season is knowing you got that special someone the greatest gift. The type of gift that will make your significant other gasp, bat her eyes in astonishment, and want to jump you so she can show her appreciation.

Some guys manage to blow this opportunity, though, by putting absolutely no thought into the gift or going even an idiotic step further and getting her something that's more for themselves than for her. (Hint: If she doesn't give a crap about sports outside of the Holidays, chances are she still doesn't care about sports during the Holidays. DON'T BUY HER SPORTS TICKETS!) Luckily for all of you half-wit, moronic, clueless guys out there, I'm here to tell you how to get the perfect gift for your loved ones, so she doesn't boycott certain favors for the remainder of your relationship.

1. If you haven't made friends with her best friend, then you're an idiot, but it's not too late. Quickly make friends with her and she will be the one you run gift ideas by for approval. If you can impress the best friend, you'll get the same reaction tenfold from your ladyfriend.

2. After knocking the socks off her best friend, think of a special way to give it to her. It's one thing to hand her a pretty little box, but she'll love you if you find a special way to give it to her. For instance, I got my lady a necklace that was kept in a little box. I took her out to a nice Italian restaurant and was able to sneak the tiny box into the bread basket. I then asked her if she would like anymore bread and the look on her face when she saw what was there was priceless. Is it cheesy? Does it make the cynical want to puke? Are jocks currently reading thinking "GAY!"? The answer to all three is a resounding YES! But that extra thought scored me points beyond my typical caliber of point-scoring ability.

3. Once she takes the gift and says something along the lines of "I can't believe it!" seal the deal by coming up with a cheesy, yet honest line. "You didn't have to do that!" could simply be followed by "You deserved something special." Yeah, the picture I'm painting is straight out of a Kay Jewelry commercial, but it works!

Follow this plan and I guarantee you it will work better than you ever imagined. For those of you laughing this bit of advice off, then enjoy it while it last, Mr. Chuckles, and let me know how the cold winter nights are alone when you don't have that special someone to warm (yes, more sexual innuendo) you up.