When it comes to Facebook activity, any seasoned veteran will tell you that the most difficult choice you have to make after logging in isn't what pictures to de-tag, what girls from home to poke, or what applications to add (ironically, adding "Are YOU Interested?" will actually make girls less interested in you). First impressions, both in real life and on Facebook, will either make or break your attempts to gain higher social status and make people think you are someone worth meeting, even if your only friend is that weird kid down the hall who eats nothing but Funyuns and doesn't shower.  At the bare minimum, you want your Facebook profile picture to make you appear normal enough to look at your younger sister's friends' spring break photo albums before they realize how much of a creep your are and end up de-friending you (damn you, privacy restrictions!).  Here are some examples of popular Facebook profile pictures, and what they really say about the person behind them: 

Standard:  If this guy's profile picture were a grade school lunch, he'd be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a Capri Sun and an apple thrown in for good measure (if his Mom was feeling really extreme he might get lucky and find a Gogurt).  While there isn't much going on in this picture, we are still able to gain some insight into what this individual looks like as well as his interests (such as carrying a backpack in green colored rooms).  Just a disclaimer:  don't attempt this unless you are interested in others being able to see what you actually look like.  

Fictional Character:  No way... you like movies and television shows? Especially ones with cultural references and popular quotes that are only funny when the actors speak the lines themselves?  Wow, I had no idea, considering that whenever this person has a conversation with me I feel like I'm searching through IMDb's memorable quotes section.  While you would think that they would take up a career as a screenwriter considering they've seen Old School 37 times, they don't actually posses the ability to create original material of their own, and can only repeat lines if they were spoken in a Judd Apatow movie.  So as much as you think that changing your profile picture to a picture of Jim Halpert will make the girl you've had a crush on for two years realize that your love has been unrequited, chances are she will just assume you watch too much TV (which you do) and keep avoiding your late night text messages until you come to the realization that there is life beyond your DVR.   

Drunk:  While most people want to forget what they did when they were drunk, this person wants the world to know that there's no such thing in their vocabulary as casual drinking.  Whether it's polishing off that fifth of tequila, breaking the school record for a keg stand, or puking in his RA's hamper, this individual has no concept of sobriety.  You thought you were drunk on Saturday night?  Guess what?  He was drunker. You'd have a better chance of finding Waldo on Google Maps than finding a picture of him when he wasn't blacked out.  Remember how outgoing he seemed the first day of freshman year when everyone else was really uncomfortable during the bonding session and just wanted to go to sleep?  Sorry to burst your bubble, but he was actually hammered when it was his turn to play two truths and a lie and he opened up about his addiction to Hentai porn.  They don't call it the truth serum for nothing.

Being Really White:  By selecting this as their profile picture, this person wants you to know that not only can their family afford a vacation in which a multicolored sailboat and traveling across water are both available and enjoyable, but that they have likely participated in many other similar activities, thus making them cooler than you.  There is also an extremely high probability that this person only plays tennis on indoor courts, was a coxswain on their high school crew team, buys all of their songs on iTunes, and thinks that Matthew McConaughey is completely underrated as an actor.  They also likely own a North Face tent even though they will never use it beyond their own backyard.  While you can clearly see that this individual has a face, the fact that the picture does not show it clearly means that it is likely they have some sort of minor deformity that they are extremely self conscious about, which their parents will undoubtedly pay to have repaired as a present after their graduation from an overpriced liberal arts school.

Nostalgic:  If you haven't been living under a rock for the past few months, you've heard of (or spent 3 hours watching) the groundbreaking film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  The premise of the story, while completely impossible, is fairly straightforward:  Benjamin Button is born as an old man and ages backwards until his death as an infant. Unfortunately, this never happens in real life, although the countless individuals that select pictures of themselves in their younger days for their profile pictures seem to think that doing so will somehow bring back the times of not having to worry about anything besides how big of a super soaker their parents would agree to buy them (now you understand why your Dad wouldn't let you get this one).  No matter how cute you might have been as a kid, it's still not going to change the fact that along the way you developed horrible acne, premature ejaculation, or some combination of the two.  Instead of flooding the sandbox or actually doing something that involves going outside with other human beings, these individuals usually end up spending the majority of their time eating Reese’s Pieces while playing World of Warcraft for hours on end.  If the kid in their profile picture could see them now he'd probably kill himself, but since he can't, he'll just have to accept that his future consists of spending more time preparing for a virtual raid than he does attempting to lose his virginity.  

With Their Significant Other:  Remember the first few nights of college, when you still didn't even know how to pronounce your roommate's last name (the "e" was silent) and couldn't get into any parties?  While most of us made friends with our hallmates and bonded over not being able to get plastered off campus, these two shared a late night serving of frozen yogurt in the cafeteria and it was love at first bite.  Instead of allowing each other to branch out and meet other people at school, this girl stopped going out and devoted all of her time to making sure that her boyfriend wouldn't break up with her.  While most girls structure their entire lives around going on vacations with their friends from home, she spends all of her breaks making the cross country trek to check up on her man and get to know his family, making it that much harder for him to end the relationship.  While he will likely try to break up with her once he realizes just how crazy she is, she'll magically think of a way to convince him to keep the relationship going.  

"Professional":  Whenever I see someone with a professional looking profile picture, my initial reaction is to marvel at how well they must be doing in their selected career within the entertainment industry.  My second reaction is always to Google their name and realize that the only work they've done has been as an extra in a Rob Schneider movie that was never actually released.  Nowadays it isn't too difficult to take a professional looking picture of yourself:  all you really need is a camera with a self timer, a tripod, good lighting, a cashmere sweater, and a scenic background, like the rustic bricks we see here.  Though their status updates indicate that they are getting steady work, they neglect to inform others that they are actually getting paid to serve legitimate actors (who have more experience than being in a high school kid's senior year video project) appetizers and other  delectables.  When they invite you over for dinner after you inquire about their seemingly successful career, you should politely decline, unless you want to eat Chef Boyardee Ravioli served with ice cold Kool-Aid (made from packets... Kool-Aid Bursts are expensive). 

Studying Abroad:  Similar to the "Being Really White" picture, but with an added twist:  this person has managed to escape the traditional college experience for a semester to learn in a foreign country while you spend all of your free time playing mindless games on the internet and trying not to fail classes that involve actual difficulty. Even though they really aren't learning anything in their classes during their time abroad, the real knowledge comes from experiencing life in a different culture and gaining a new perspective on life outside of America.  This individual, like the person in the "Being Really White" picture, obviously lives in a family where money is abundant and vacations occur almost as frequently as he gets a new cell phone.  Unlike the individual in the "Being Really White" picture, around high school this person realized that cruise ships didn't offer the kind of diversity he was looking for, and made up his mind that studying art history in Japan would make him a much better person than if he stayed at school and took classes that actually taught him something useful.  Upon arriving back from the foreign country they chose to study in, this individual will be found saying things like "you have no idea what our global image is" and "I've found that genuine happiness can only be found by abandoning our reliance on material goods".  After a few weeks have passed and they realize that they didn't actually do anything during their time abroad besides eat really good sushi and learn how to ask "do you have silverware?" in Japanese, this individual will continue to making others feel ignorant and selfish through the use of phrases like "world view" and asking you complex questions like "why do you play that stupid dolphin game all day?".  

Pet:  By allowing your dog to grace the space normally reserved for a picture of yourself, you are telling the Facebook community two things:  you can afford a pet, and you haven't accidentally murdered it yet.  Dogs, like humans, are usually very cute at a young age and then get progressively uglier as they get older, so these individuals make sure to get visual confirmation from people they no longer talk to that they selected a pet that is visually pleasing to others. It doesn't matter that their parents are getting divorced or that they aren't going to graduate on time:  all that matters is that their dog is just the cutest little thing in the world (just look at that plush football!)  Sadly, they spend all of their time flaunting their pet online, resulting in malnutrition and bladder problems for their beloved pooch.  You will usually find the owner taking pictures and blogging about how cute their dog is as it begins to look like Christian Bale in The Machinist and not realize that they are slowly killing it until it dies alone on its personal heated water bed.  

Cell Phone Pic:  Here's a fun fact:  when something becomes outdated due to technological advances, it's called technological obsolescence.  As this happens, the product that has become outdated tends to drop in price, to adjust to the reduced demand, as most of the population will want the newest and best technology (just think about your reaction whenever the new line of iPods come out).  Take digital cameras for example:  even the simplest models used to be astronomically priced, but as more models came out with improved features, the price of a conventional digital camera dropped to a price that almost anyone can afford.  This person has obviously yet to discover this, and instead has resorted to one of the most famous poses of all time:  the shirtless, flexing in front of a bathroom mirror picture.  While this picture does have some aesthetically appealing features (the untied board shorts, the toilet paper roll that is almost cashed, and the slight head tilt are the first things that come to mind), this pose has been captured by so many douchebags on MySpace that even Marissa Miller could take a picture like this and I'd be upset (unless it was completely shirtless).  Maybe one day these individuals will realize that their cell phone camera's resolution isn't anything to brag about, but until then, the rest of us might as well get used to looking at people who should be wearing clothes choosing not to.  

Default:  If you are going to take the time to create a Facebook account, you might as well choose a profile picture.  I don't care if it's a picture of your desk, of your car, or of your toilet after you take a huge dump in it; at least have the common courtesy to put something besides the outline of a guy with a cowlick and tiny ears.  While I understand that the advice I just gave you might lead you to select one of the aformentioned examples and hurt your image, I don't think anything could scream "I'm a douchebag and you should de-friend me before I creep on your sister's friends' spring break photo albums" more than a two-toned outline of a person that clearly isn't even you.