Batman, lovingly known to Cheetos-devouring denizens of comic book forums as The Dark Knight, cannot die.

He simply cannot. Bruce Wayne is a mere mortal, but Batman is a herculean icon, capable of accomplishing superhuman feats with the flick of a pinky.

Apparently, DC Comics missed this memo, however, because they’ve deemed it fit to kill off the Caped Crusader in their latest ill-conceived abortion of a comic entitled “Batman R.I.P.,” which hits shelves today.

But, don’t buy it. Do not pass “Go.” Do not collect $200.

Instead, book a flight (coach will suffice) to DC Comics headquarters (there are special flights that go straight there, I believe) and picket outside to protest this abomination.

Oh, and did I mention it gets worse?

According to writer Grant Morrison, DC Comics has someone in line to “replace” Batman.

What…

Thanks for vomiting all over my childhood, DC.