* “Women want to be married more than men do,” UCLA law professor Gary Gates says of the hundreds of lesbians are rushing to the altar. “The idea of partnering is more attractive to women.”

* “You’d think the guy that has the bumper sticker that says My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student would be more aggressive, but that’s not the case,” Colorado State psych professor Paul Bell reports. Better think twice before tailgating someone with a My Kid is an Honor Student bumper sticker.

* “There’s room for improvement in the drugs.” Georgetown pharmacy junkie Gerard Ahern says the drugs used to put patients to sleep during surgery can increase discomfort when the patient wakes up. Uhhh, perhaps opt to have them slice ya open while you’re still awake?

* “It presents a more professional appearance and dignifies the endeavor,” an UGA English professor says of his obsession with neckwear.

* “Improved real-time predictability will minimize the potential for costly devastation to human life and loss of business assets,” this Arizona State professor claims. And that explains why he just got $716,000 to study unexpected bumps and bounces experienced by airline passengers.

* “It’s completely passive,” a biomedical engineering at UT Austin says of his approach to stop cancer. Luckily, he’s created a program that enables people to contribute idle computer time in a global effort to fight the disease.