The campus craziness surrounding graduation made me so excited for my turn next year. Then I realized I have quite a “bucket list” of things I may never have time to do. Here’s a sampling of the essentials:

8. Find the owl in the Alma Mater statue’s robes
Campus legend says that then I’ll be Valedictorian, along with 836 of my classmates who also found it.

7. Go to a football game
Heck, a sporting event of any kind. Columbia kind of sucks at the whole school spirit thing. And the whole winning thing.

6. Learn the fight song
I know it has something to do with knickerbockers.

5. Meet President Bollinger
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t aim quite that high; rumor has it he won’t even talk to most of his students. I could go for a Nobel Prize winner.

4. Have sex in the stacks
Clutch at any college. I could also spice things up and go for the cartography room.

3. Hold an anti-anti-protest
With an average of two or three protests a week, I’m sure I can find a cause to latch on to. Columbians take up a wide range of issues: war, genocide, conflict in the Middle East, human rights violations in Iran and China, slander on Juicy Campus…

2. Witness a hate crime
I felt really left out when everyone else found nooses on their doors and nasty graffiti in the bathroom.

1. Get into a “campus” bar
Those female bouncers are so mean!