When not conquering Manhattan one block at a time or benevolently governing his subjects up at Columbia University, President Lee Bollinger likes to enjoy a nice, brisk jog through Central Park.

Too bad no one told him crazies do too.

In a statement issued by the Office of Public Affairs, PrezBo confirmed that he had been assaulted in Central Park early Tuesday morning by an “emotionally disturbed person” – which, in New York City, is descriptor fit for more or less everyone.

At his Fireside Chat Tuesday evening, Bollinger shared the details of his harrowing ordeal with the Spectator:

“I was running in Central Park this morning,” Bollinger said. “A person hit me. I’m fine now. He was stopped by the police, and it turns out he was under psychiatric treatment. He was arrested.”

Bollinger was up on his feet shortly thereafter and came back to campus only a few minutes late for a Faculty of Arts and Sciences meeting. Bollinger showed no outside signs of injury and seemed to be in good spirits at the Fireside Chat.

This confirms it: PrezBo is inhuman.

Even when blindsided by random nutjobs, Bollinger can walk away unscathed.

How does he do it? Do all Ivy presidents receive immortality as part of their benefits?