Ah, axillism – the tried-and-true art of achieving an orgasm by masturbating with your partner’s armpit.

Wait, what?!

That’s right; people will do anything to “get off,” including Cornell’s sex guru Liana Mancini whose foray into armpit love came to a screeching halt this past week when her long-term boyfriend came to the realization that: “Penis + Armpit = No.”

Mancini, a Cornell Daily Sun columnist, explains:

The obvious truth, however, is that just as much as there are people who want to go nuts covered in peanut butter, there are others who just aren’t interested. So Boyf had a point when he looked at me and said, respectfully, “Nah baby, I’m gonna pass on putting my junk in your armpit for now.”

I gotta hand it to him — he really seemed to weigh his options. I think the thoughts in his head went something like, “What does it mean for me to stick my penis in an armpit?” and the conflict in his eyes was just too much. To each their own, as they say. My foray into axilism wasn’t that exciting, but I won’t let it deter me from delving deeper into the ever-stranger world of bangin’, where all holes are created equal.

Therein lies the problem, Liana. An armpit is not a hole.

Plus, as far as I can tell, there isn’t much sensation under there – unless one considers ticklishness to be erotic.

And so, for a girl, this is a lost cause.

But, for a guy…