Today I decided to take a look at the Craigslist Missed Connections section, in search of the most pathetic or stalkerish posts from the Chapel Hill/Carrboro area. Unsurprisingly, all of the saddest shit was in the Men Seeking Women section.

Here, condensed for your amusement, are three of the best posts. I’ll post some more tomorrow. Enjoy, and remember, ladies… you probably pass these very same men on the street every day. And then they probably stare at your ass and post about it online.

Blonde jogger on E Franklin - m4w

Blonde jogger on E Franklin....around 8pm on Monday... you were beautiful...and looked back. Thanks!

This one isn’t really that bad, but really… how many hot blonde joggers are there in Chapel Hill, and how many of them want to **** the random men who stare at them longingly as they go by? The answers, respectively, are ‘a hell of a lot’ and ‘zero’. Good luck finding this girl, dude.

SEXIEST Woman I have ever seen. At Food Lion - m4w - 42

I saw you at the Carrboro Food Lion in Carrboro Plaza at 6:25 P.M. on Thursday July 26th. You were wearing a blue jean skirt, white top, and walking toward your car. You had long brown hair with a touch of grey. I tried to catch up with you to see if you were single but, of coarse, I had the slowest check-out girl in history. If you are single, please respond. I would love to see if we have "ANYTHING" in common. P.S. you were absolutly beautiful!!!!
As for me; I am 42 yrs. old, 6'-6", 225, and looking for YOU!!!!

Ok, this is perfectly normal right up until he says “ANYTHING”, at which point it becomes both desperate and ickily sexual.

to the backgammon lady at joe's saturday night - m4w - 50

i went by you and help you set the last three and three pieces on the board
will love to play with you some day

‘Play with you,” huh? Real smooth, gramps.