A jolly headline in everyone's favorite paper, The Middletown Press: “Jewish group learns of trials endured for a life of faith.”

In a related story, their Rabbi said, "have you been listening to ANY of the five gajillion bible stories I’ve been telling you about this ENTIRE TIME!???!!"

What really happened was that in Roxbury, CT, Gershom Sizomu, who had traveled there from Uganda, became an ordained rabbi.  The article explains that Sizomu “will be the only ordained rabbi in Uganda and will lead a small community of African Jews known as the Abayudaya who lie in a small village called Mbale.”  And hilarity ensures!  The JEWS in the UGANDA?!  Quick, someone raise Gene Wilder from the dead and get a script to Hollywood STAT.  Ah, if only.  You were taken from us too soon, Gene.