A Pulitzer-winning NU alum announced that his wife is leaving him for eccentric billionaire Ted Turner, according to the New York Post's Page Six. Robert Olen Butler, a Florida State professor and renowned author, said that Elizabeth Dewberry was likely attracted to Turner because he is similar in many ways to her grandfather.

Creepy. And it gets weirder. Butler speculates that Dewberry exemplifies the pattern many molestation victims show after their victimizations. Yup, that's right. Dewberry's grandfather molested her as a child, and that (according to Butler) is why she's running off with him.

I could make a joke here, but that would mean I'd go straight to hell. Do not pass purgatory, do not collect $200.

Don't expect the pair to live happily ever after. Turner is strictly anti-marriage, or even monogamy, so Dewberry will be one of several girlfriends.

Can you say dysfunctional?