How do you kill your social life in less than 1000 words? One of our very own Dartmouth 'shmen has done the impossible.

I rarely read The D, but they do print an occasional article that calls for attention. Much like the one printed Tuesday in the Opinions column by freshman Gabrielle (Gabi) Tudin. The article she wrote was quickly passed along from upperclassman to upperclassman as proof that this year's freshmen are indeed the worst class ever. In it, Tudin complains about how disappointing her second (possibly third) Saturday night at Dartmouth was. Carolina Cima '10 wrote a good response to the article that hit all the right spots, so I'll try hard not to be redundant...

Some of the best quotes from Miss Tudin's article--

"The week is meant for studying, while Fridays and Saturdays are for a crazy time — just like in Animal House, right?"

Yep, just like Animal House. Oh, you have to be kidding me...

"...when Saturday night arrives, another supposed occasion for outrageous parties and excusably ridiculous behavior, the ‘shmen seem to over prepare for an evening of disappointing lameness."

...why don't you go out on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays like everyone else?

"do we not deserve a break from an intense week of Chem 5 and Italian 1?"

Oh goodness! Italian 1?! What a difficult class! I barely know any Italian vocabulary...pizza? Automobile? Pasta? Idiota!

"...swapping stories about the good old days when Saturday nights were the perfect repose from the frenzy of school."

Because as freshmen who have been official Dartmouth students for no more than three weeks, you certainly know what the good old days were all about.

I stopped reading around there. The stupidity of the article was killing my brain cells.

But this last sentence caught my eye.

"Change the Saturdays, change the world."

Can someone please hand this girl a plane ticket to San Diego State?

Too bad this chick's ugly. I hope she's not as vapid as she writes (...thinks) or else she will truly have nothing else to fall back on.

Not all's lost yet. I hear Edinboro University of Pennsylvania is still accepting applications. Never heard of it? Exactly.