You may be asking yourself..."what in God's name are you talking about" well my multitudes of magnificent minds, I am speaking of a new rating system, one so provocative and genius that I am amazed I haven't been approached by a nationally distributed magazine. I will rate films by the sexual act that I would do to them.

The more wild and crazy the act, the better the film, the less libido based / drunken-coma-not-moving like the act...the less enjoyable the film. ...I think you get my drift.

Anyway, so this first edition of Reel Sexy we are discussing the movie The Quantum of Solace, the newest installment of the James Bond series, and the second one starring to insatiable Daniel Craig. 

I went to see this movie with my best friend on opening night for the midnight showing. Prior to the movie we had played poker for 2 hours and then stopped at a Chili's for a little gnash and drink. To maintain my own consciousness I pounded two monster energy drinks, and at the bar treated myself to a dry martini...shaken...not stirred.  DUH! So I entered the theater with a slight buzz and a mega caffeine high. A glorious start to the movie. 

Although my friend managed to fall asleep before the beginning of the film and missed the first 20 minutes, I was glued to the screen. Maybe it was the excess firing of chemicals in my brain or the over stimulation from the big sounds and loud pictures, but I was totally into it. 

Quickie synopsis...lots of fighting, lots of shooting, quick shots, limited character development (we dont really know why the bad guy is so bad or if we should hate or ignore him) and more action (rather than story) helped to produce a pretty good mix of the traditional Bond film and the darker style first exhibited in Casino Royale. Something I really appreciated was the lack of gizmos and gadgets. Sure, he has an awesome cellphone, and M has something of a hologram in her office...but in reality (and as we saw during the presidential elections when they decided showcasing random tech was more important) a lot of that technology does exist, and surely exists in more secure circles. It is much different in that sense than any Bond films prior to Royale, as they relied heavily on toys to make the film more interesting and thus less believable. But leave it to a gritty, hard core, battle ridden Daniel Craig to make the film JUST as interesting and MORE believable without all the super tech mumbo jumbo that overshadows the plot. 

The ladies of this film didn't really WOW me, but they also didn't disappoint. I found Agent Strawberry Fields name a little more interesting than her as a character, but I found the lovely Miss Camille (played by Olga Kurylenko) to be quite attractive, feisty, and mega sexy...even with the burn marks on her back...she likes it hot. Anyway, overall I was not disappointed in the estrogen of the film, but I've seen better (AKA Jane Seymour OW OW!)

SO...In summation...what would I do to this film? Well...all characteristics taken into account, I would probably take this movie out for a nice dinner, class it up a little, seduce it, walk it to it's door after the date, passionate grab them for a kiss, then give her the ole PPK 

PPK : 1. The gun wielded by the legendary James Bond

2. The sexual process of calling her a code name, telling her you need to leave in two days on a mission and don't know when you'll see her next, 69 for a bit, gator grip her, then donkey punch her so hard that you can sneak out to take on your next mission.

I Give This Film 3 Fingers and a Shocker.

Random Movie Factoid: In total, 7 people have played the character James Bond on the silver screen. They include the well known Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan , Daniel Craig, and George Lazenby (not as well known)...and then the almost ALWAYS forgotten (drum roll please) Peter Sellers ...yes, the guy from the Pink Panther as well as multitudes of other classic comedies such as Dr. Strangelove. His nephew, Jimmy Bond, was played by the one and only Woody Allen. Yes, THAT Woody Allen. The one who married his adopted daughter, the comic genius.  SO...put that in your pipe and smoke it.

(By the way, thanks for the correction annonymous)