According to the 2008 US News & World Report, Harvard--for the second year in a row--isn't the greatest college in the universe. Harvard's homelier sister, Princeton, gleaned the gold medal. (*guffaw*)

In any case, as a result of the less-than-welcome newsbreak on Harvard's campus, 53 students lit themselves ablaze and ran screaming about Harvard Yard, convinced that the sky was actually falling. The burning mob then proceeded to ransack local neighborhoods, sparing neither man nor woman nor child.

The Crimsy, a beacon of reason in a den of chaos, published this news article, casting doubt upon the ranking system's "false precision."

Classy!